[alras0011]

My story.
Well for me it all began in 2012 when I first went to vegas. It wasnt bad. I had $800 budget for 4 days, and I blew it within a couple of days, and didnt gamgle
after that. I quit my job in 2013 to start my own business (at the time i was 32) and I sprung out in the world with flying colors. I was married (though wasnt really ever
that happy in the marriage) but business was going well. It doubled, and tripled in years 2014, 2015, 2015, and 2017. In 2014, I was earning 120K ish and a lot of my money
was hard cash. I went to Jamaica for a business trip and believe it or not, I picked up smoking for the first time in life, and I still smoke (not chain, but 6-10 cigs a day).

With my new found confidence, buying power, my wife and I did it all. We travelled the world, place after place, and I kept on doing well in business. I wanted the power
trip of a badass business person, rebel, rockstar, whatever. I went to vegas in 2014 after Jamaica, this time with the boys. This was the biggest dip in my life’s space time
continuum that changed my life. For the worse! I won a whopping 12K USD on that trip, acted out like a baller, buying expensive stuff, and got home to brag about it all. Slowly,
I got my brother in law hooked to craps and roulette, so much so, we started going every week. We mostly won, no kidding, we did! Between 2014 and 2016, I took over 7 trips
to Vegas, only two of which were business and my spouse went on these with me. She hated the gambling scene, and while I sat hours on the craps table, she went out clubbing
and being alone. I was an addict by now. Smoked a lot, and brought in 20-40K in action, and Vegas treated me like a king. Massive suites, charter flights, anything and everything
to pamper me. I felt like a fuckin rockstar. Quite a false sense of security, I started lying to myself and others about what my real score was. I was down, down a lot.

Fast forward 2017, my record highest earning year in business over $250K, quite frankly, I blew about 15-20K in casinos. I invested a lot of the money, so i wasnt left with much
disposable cash. Though gambling continued, and my cash on hand reserves started drying up and started jacking up my debt. I would tell others, that I have no fun activity in
life left to do at night other than heading out to a casino. My marriage was failing (50% due to my addiction, and lethargy that came with it). This trend heavily continued in 2018
and my reserves for a rainy day were depleting. Business took a bit of a nose dive as my passion for my business was eroding away due to my excessive gambling. I was getting
out of control. I would be on an autopilot and my hands, feet and brain would just get in the car, drive over to the casino, and shit hit the ceiling. I would bet, bet again, and again.
Compulsively withdraw money out of savings, credit cards, and while business wasnt too bad in 2018 still, my marketing budget was being eaten into due to this evil vice. It was hurting
my life, business, and relationships with everyone. Now, I even got in to home poker games, poker at friends, etc.

Oct,3 2018, my dad passed away suddenly, and following that, 3 weeks in my wife asked for divorce and moved out. I had barely no money left, but to liquidate my investments and
assets. 2019, business went down to merely 60K and debt sky rocketed, but I still went and this year I truly felt like degenerate. i would find the same people there, and them
saying hi to me, and standing next to me makes me feel super shit. I dont belong there, but Im there. Im there a lot. These people are there everytime I go, I dont like this vibe.
Guess what, Im there too, and Im part of that shit degenerate crowd. I still win. In fact a week ago, I actually won $27,000 from $400 only, and while this was the big win every
gambler craves, I felt even worse. Next day, I was there again, the next day again, and again, and this dropped down to $12,000, and here I am.

Trying to bring value of money back, build my business back, get my winners mentality back, get my fucking Life BACK! I wish I can find that system restore button in myself to
go back in time, and fix where it all began. But guess what? I cant. The problem is gambling. The problem is definitely gambling. But there is a bigger problem. I achieved too much too
soon it feels like, I travelled so many places, have partied so much, and just about everything in life from extreme sports to god knows what. My experience set is way above than
what normal people crave. I golf 60-70 times a year, and have been to exotic destinations for this.

My biggest issue is, boredom. Loneliness. As a middle class entrepreneur, I found all my friends would be in day jobs, and I had plenty of free time as my business is contractual,
and I make pretty solid coin in what I do, and Im damn good at it too… But I feel my passion, motivation, drive to be on the top, im overweight now, I smoke a lot, and everything has
spun out of control. I need help… I need to start hating this to get out of this.

[Ryan123678]

Quit while you still can it’s good that you have come on here. Have you tried to put barriers in place at casinos and with the bank ask for withdrawal limits or get someone else to manage finance.
I lost my savings of 7k 3 weeks ago and have nothing left I am disabled and gambled through boredom and depression.
I have no way of getting this money back and I am really struggling but coming on here helps getting support and reading other people’s journals so stick around.
It sounds like you were good at your job hopefully you can get that back on track and take one day at a time. Stay strong you can do this.

[Steev]

I loved the line, “I wish I can find that system restore button in myself to go back in time, and fix where it all began …” that made me smile.

I can relate to a lot of what you say. I came from a really poor background, (my father was a compulsive gambler.) I literally had no shoes for a couple of years growing up – spent all my time in the plastic sandals you use on the beach. I went from that to being a sales manager for a national company at age 21 with a company car – unlimited mileage – expense account. Nothing on the scale you are talking of – but beyond my wildest dreams.

Yet it didn’t feel real. It didn’t fulfil who I am. I had a failing marriage and few friends as I was working so many hours – I had no time (or energy) to socialise. But I found time to gamble.

So apart from doing all the practical stuff – like losing access to gambling sites, losing access to ready money to gamble with and finding better use of time. Apart from doing all that – I also found counseling and looking at where it had all gone wrong. I learnt how to “find myself” and what really mattered to me – which was not the high-powered lifestyle but more simple things like enjoying the natural world.
I guess I rebooted myself when I decided to sell up my life in the UK and go travelling around the world. I am doing this on a shoe-string, but enjoying the slow pace of life and doing what I want to do – not having to be thinking about monetizing everything.

Now I am not saying that you need to sell up and start again – but I think spending some time talking to a professional and looking at ways in which you can mold your life into something intentional instead of following the money (which is just being thrown away anyway) may help. That’s my 2 cent’s worth. I hope it helps.

[Seanraj4731]

Good day Alras. I agree with steev and ryan powerful words to make that change are in you buddy you just need to take time out and use those words in your life starting now. Man you got this. Living life in the fast lane! I applaud you for being here on this forum and being real abt who you are and what is your mindset. I am on day 3 free from gambling after 5 years being dancing around spining around with money losing all of it until thur 5 dec 2019 i lost 6k. Broken marriage and interpersonal stress not mean to rattle on in self pity, but you let you one goal we are all here for is: to break free from this addiction. Brother we are all in this together focus on moving forward on the road to recovery. Used those tools you have access to to help you on the road of recovery. First step be honest with yourself always. Sharing your thoughts and feelings as well helps. Encourage yourself daily. Face to face mirror talk. You got this bro. You are going to get through man. Thank you for sharing

[i-did-it]

Hi alras
I guess what you want to do describes exactly what I have done . I took a week out fo my life and went on an intensive residential treatment and it has really been like pressing reset on my life . I am just starting into my fourth month gamble free and life is picking up.

It sounds to me as if you are searching for something in life – something that no amount of gambling , golf or exotic trips can fulfil. Would you consider visiting a counsellor weekly and exploring why you gamble?

There are many ways to ensure you don’t gamble – I think for you a good one would be to hand the financial side of the business to someone you trust (for now) and tell them to pay you only a salary which U have to be accountable for with receipts etc for your spending .

In the casino business we are called whales , and every employee wants to land a whale – they will flatter us , make us feel important, offer us perks because we are important to them … they do it for us because they know that we cannot stop once we start gambling , and that makes us a very important source of revenue.

A simple line which works for me with friends, family etc is “I have made a decision to stop gambling “ . If they require further explanation I simply say I am saving for a car, home improvements etc .

This is your life – and you are still pretty solvent by the sound of things. You can press reset anytime you choose but I have found is it much easier to do so with relay good support .

Hope this helps.

You deserve better !

[velvet]

Hello Alras and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[MurrS7]

Your story seems to familiar to mine and I’m sure many others in here and I can relate to everything in your post. Vegas was my downfall and chasing losses got me in the hole. Started a business and failed because of my partying and gambling habits, all money would go to partying and gambling. I relapsed many times along the way , in Vegas my relapses were the worst, and then I would chase when I got back home and put myself deeper in debt. Lost gf of 5 years, lost another gf of 6 months. Lost my business, had to move back in with parents at 30. I can relate to everything you have wrote , of course my numbers were a lot smaller than yours but that is irrelevant , we have all felt the same pain, anger, disparity, hopelessness, mental anguish, sleepless nights, underperformance at work, broken relationships, lied, stolen, all to fuel this demon called gambling, the good news is there is hope and you have come to the right place. We are all here for you . I was told time after time on here if I want to quit, I really want to WANT IT BAD. People told me I was to be as addicted to my recovery as I was to gambling. I tried so hard, relapsing time and time again, chases losses, got them back, reset, just to lose them all again , over and over.. each time going deeper into debt. There is only so much pain we can take before we have had enough. Have you tried G.A. or one on one councilling. I find this to have helped me , but to each their own. The good news is that you are an entrepreneur, you know business. You know how to make $. You also know the casino is a business also that will ALWAYS, I repeat always win in the end. The wins are what messed us up because it was basically a loan from the casino to get us on cloud 9 thinking we can do that over and over to become rich. It’s false hope . The wins are worse than the losses, because once we lose the winnings, here comes the chase to get those back… and we will do whatever it takes like use the banks money which is not even ours. The casino has an unlimited bankroll vs our tiny bankroll.. the casino is not scared to lose anything, but we are. The casino will always have advantage, no matter how clever we think we are and how many times we win, we will always eventually lose in the end. I believe in you to stop, and by the sounds of it you are and will be successful in recovering from this with your business background. If you stop now, you will recoup you’re losses, you will get your peace of mind back, but this will take time and patience, and a lot of perseverance. It does get better, it will take work, but you can do this. We are all here for you and all have similar stories, you are not alone. Keep pushing forward and keep posting. It will help keep you accountable and will help let your emotions out to people who understand what you are going through. Take care my friend.

[alras0011]

this is quite a bang on observation. My divorce finalized two weeks ago (and im truly happy about that chapter closing). A big reason for me to gravitate towards gambling was my toxic marriage and the dumb inlaws I had to deal with. Casinos were a form of escape, until that escape route trapped me even further…. I have recently started hitting the gym again (as I gained 100 lbs in the last 12 years), but being a tall guy I never looked obese, but I knew I have to get fit. 

Back to the gambling, I came home last night and joined this forum only in pursuit of validating my claim that throwing a stash of $100 bills on the craps table isnt cool, and no one friggin cares who you  are in the casino. Once you lose that money, you walk off in this dejected, toxic shame that spreads all around your body and you come up with dumb reasons to withdraw a bit more to recover it. The notion and emotion of, “oh that number on the wheel came right after I bet that, or I just thought of that number, and I wish I had bet a much bigger wager on it. Then you spiral into your own delusion disney land where you start approving different mathematical strategies in your mind to rob the casino next time. You just end up robbing yourself end of the day, and the next day, and the day after. You drive back after puffing a couple of smokes in the parking lot in minus 15, beating yourself down, and on the drive back you find excuses as to this is all you can do for fun in a boring city like Toronto as you have done it all, clubbing, drinking, eating out, movies, and for some reason this version of fun is the only thing that makes you happy. But its quite the contrary. You are not happy! We have this self destruction superpower that we can sell ourselves that al the poison we consume is somehow good for us, and this is where it all ends. 

I still do ok in business, but my productivity and client satisfaction has gone down in recent years, and that has definitely hurt my brand and cash flow, and the only culprit is gambling.

Last night as I was pulling up close to the casino, I saw the racetrack lights lighting up the sky. Uncontrollably, I parked, got out and started walking towards the front door, and a voice inside said to me, “you are like a stupid moth, and just like a moths short lived life, you too will die running around these lights very soon, if you dont do something!” 

The amount of money I have blown in this year alone on casinos is insane. My reserves are an all time low, and I feel sick 

[alras0011]

wow you are a very good person my man. I truly am thankful to what you have shared. Yup same stuff! and all along I knew this “fake baller life in vegas” would eventually come at a heavy price, and Im glad circuit breaker in the brain overloaded clicked off much sooner than I thought, for the better.

I am gonna start a youtube channel soon on things I love doing, and teach people my craft (filmmaking that is), and even if I dont make any money out of that (as I will continue my business), but I think occupying myself to creating content which takes up a lot of time might be the best distraction from this madness after all!

[MurrS7]

Np brother. I know exactly how you are feeling. when you get a chance I want you to go to page 2 and read the post that says “my story and journey” by igor1984. It was by far the craziest story I’ve read on here in a long time and really shows you just how deep this addiction can take us. This addiction Is truly a bottomless pit. Just when you think you hit rock bottom, gambling will show you a bottom you never even knew existed. Like my friend in here vera said. “Every bottom has a trap door” 

we must stop before it gets worse. 

rooting for you , man.

[MurrS7]

What your YouTube channel is when you start it man, I’ll be sure to watch your videos !  and never worry about doing something to make money, do something that will help people and change Peoples lives, Money comes along with that usually.

[Author]

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