[markf]

I finally got the call from the contact centre last week to confirm I was top of the list and could have my first contact with my daughter this Saturday afternoon. I was still very doubtful that my ex would play ball and actually turn up with my daughter but yesterday I received a letter from her solicitor confirming she will be there.

The last time I had a gamble was 15th March 2010. The last time I saw my daughter was 19th March 2010 and the last time I spoke to my ex (or should I say spoke to me) was also on 19th March 2010.

I literally cant wait until Saturday, I didnt really sleep a wink last night but whilst i am filled with so much excitement, I am also so incredibly nervous. How can I be nervous of seeing my own daughter, she is only two and a half! But I have to realistic, she is not going to recognise me, she will be in an unfamiliar environment and I have no idea what she likes / dislikes. My ex is also going to be there but will hopefully be out of sight whilst I have my time with Evie.

I have been building up to this moment for the past 18 months although I really didnt anticipate it would take this long. All the work I have done on my recovery, my life, fighting criminal proceedings against me, bankruptcy, divorce, family court hearings (to get access), 7 months in Gordon House etc…….. it has all been for this moment and now I am more scared then ever before.

This is the start of another positive chapter in my life as a recovering CG. There is still a very long road ahead to get where i want to be with my relationship with Evie but it has to start somewhere and that somewhere is Saturday. Its finally here.

The only thought i have right now is seeing her for the first time, picking her up and giving her the biggest hug in the world.

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