[ladycopper]

I’m 49 years old, female, and I have been gambling now for 15 years. I feel very awkward opening up my life like this, but I suppose everyone here feels that way. And I guess it’s only by doing that that we can give, and receive support. So here it goes…
My main source of gambling is slot machines. It has become progressively out of control. Not only is it financially disastrous, but it is putting my health and safety at risk. There are times when I stay out all night and find myself driving home at 4:30 in the morning. We live an hour from the closest casino. It is putting immense stress of my relationship with my husband as well, and though my children don’t know I gamble, they are affected as well. I gamble to soothe my pain. I have been through many difficult events. My first husband was abusive physically. My second husband was emotionally abusive and my third (present) has tried to commit suicide 7 times and I had to hold our family together. He also has had his own compulsions and addiction of a sexual nature. Also, my father was very ill over the last 4 years and I had (and wanted) to care for him a great deal. He passed away 6 months ago and his loss has been excruciating. Gambling is without a doubt an escape and I do enter a trance like mode when I am there. Very little else matters to me and I lose touch with the outside world. I know I need help, but I feel helpless.

[charlster2]

Welcome to this site Ladycopper, there are great people here to lend you invaluable support.

You really have been through the mill. You’re so right when you say that gambling is a way of escaping. What makes it such a demonic addition, is that we use it to escape other problems in our life and end up creating a multitude of others, including as you so rightly say, ill health.

I’ve only been here a week and I have already found it extremely helpful. Like you, I find it quite hard to lay my life bare, but this site allows you to unload and share experiences, it helps to declutter the mind.

I wish you all the best in your efforts facing this addiction, stay strong.

Charlster2

[velvet]

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Hello LC and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[kpat]

I can relate to the unsafe drives. My gambling was on slots at a casino 45 mins from home. I self excluded and that was the single biggest thing I have done to help me quit. You can do it! Our lives are more important than the addiction. Fighting it is tough and the barrier of banning myself has given me a chance at a meaningful life.

[ladycopper]

Thank you Charlster2. I appreciate the welcome and the support. I’ve read your story and it appears we have a lot in common, as I’m sure all of us who share this addiction do. I get a sense, after reading some of your comments, that you have an understanding and strength that will help you to overcome this addiction. And the sensitivity and support you give to others is something you should feel very good about. I know it’s probably a common element amongst us all battling this to not feel very good about ourselves, but having our positive traits pointed out is something important I think. So, I’ve only started here, and I don’t know much about anyone, but I want you to know that your warm welcome and the way you express yourself has already made a positive difference in my life. Thank you.

[ladycopper]

Thanks kpat. Having someone understand and hearing that someone else has done the same sort of behaviors helps to make me feel like I’m not completely hopeless and alone. I’m so happy to hear the positive in your comment…the fact you see that you have a chance at a meaningful life. Having taken the very strong step you did by self excluding means you have opened the door to something so much better. I’ve thought many times to self exclude, but to be honest, I haven’t reached that final place yet, the place where you really close all the doors to the possibility of going back. I’m close though, and hearing your comment and remembering that these actions bring something positive helps me to not focus so much on the fear of giving it up, but rather the hope for a better life it would bring. As you said, the battle is certainly a tough one, but with support and wise choices I suppose it is something we can accomplish.

[butchugly]

I’m on day 5. I feel pretty good too. Don’t get me wrong I have thoughts and questions but as a whole I feel like I can move forward now. I think without this support, I may have attempted to win my money back. But I’ve accepted it’s gone! I look forward to reading about your progress/recovery.

[charlster2]

Hope you’ve had a good day today.

You’re right, I do have a clearer picture of what lies ahead for me now. I also want to believe I have the strength and determination to take a long hard run at this. If I’m honest, I don’t have a choice, it’s either sink or swim for me now!

Picking up on another one of your points, most of us do have low opinions of ourselves and someone pointing out anything positive can act as such a pick me up. Part of the recovery process I guess, is learning to love ourselves again.

Hopefully you’ll find the tools here to aid you in the challenges that lie ahead.

Stay strong and be happy,

Charlster.

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