[lovetherush]

Im a husband, father, and business owner.  However I have a secret life of a compulsive problem gambler.  To this point i’be been able to hide it, but I know not for much longer.  I’ve been playing slots $10-$25 per spin, and for the past year I’ve put in almost 200k.  

Recently, I was chasing a GRAND Jackpot, four weeks ago, I spent 10k and some of my employees wages, desperate to gamble and win it back, I lost, somehowe by the skin of my teeth got everybody paid.

Three weeks ago, I lost 6k, same thing.

Two weeks ago another 6k.

Just yesterday I go back like clockwork, and the GRAND Prize still wasn’t hit.  I was $7200 in the hole, took out $1,000 more, which at this point wasn’t my money again, and I was screwed out of all resources to find the money to pay my people. 

THEN BOOM!!!! I WON!!! I hit the GRAND FOR $21,000.   I felt amazing, talked to the guy next to me about my problem, and how much i’ve lost, even gave him $400.  

The Casino staff came up to me so happy I won it they knew how much i’ve lost chasing it.  Told myself I was going to take $800 and try to gamble with it, and take $20k, and go home, pay my staff, put some cash in bank, and get this stress off of me. 

Some how, Some way, I ended up walking out of there 5 hours later with just $2,200.  I was so mad at myself, in tears for a second, then in FIX MODE.   SHORT on payroll again, cutting corners, but getting by barely..///   

I cant stop thinking about this, being so close to the Holidays, and how bad I need that money.   Even when I win, I lose!  I mean I didn’t even walk out with the $7200 I was in the hole to hit it, I walked out after winning close to 24k total, losing!!!!!

All I can think about is how to get some cash, and gamble.  Today it was on my brain to do it again, but I didn’t I went to work and STAYED THERE!!!!!!    

Why am i such a selfish asshole?  MY kids have no health insurance, my lease is due on office, this fixes so much stuff in my life.  WHY / HOW DID I get stuck chasing a 3k jackpot to the point I dumped 18K back in?

I dont want to tell my wife but it kills me keeping this from her.  I spoke to a therapist one time and he said I am bipolar and the gambling is a form of MANIA.   but I dont feel bipolar, dont feel depressed, but can sit at a machine for hours with no food no drinks nothing, and 

i dont just play, i hit the spin button non stop.. over and over and over..  i get hot as shit… i win a ton but no discipline to ever leave.  

Just last week I won over 50k in jackpots, no bullshit I had 25 jackpots in one day, walked out with NOTHING!!!!!!! (Jackpot is winning over 1200)  HOW DO I FIX THIS… I can’t stop thinking about my next come up?

[lizbeth4]

Hi lovetherush. Welcome to GT. We are always chasing the win. We can’t stop when we win. Can you put barriers up to make it harder to gamble? Would you consider going to GA or counseling? There is no easy fix. Keep posting. There are groups here you can participate in. Keep a open mind and listen to the advice others will share here. Stay strong!

[Monica1]

You are in the grip of a powerful and insidious addiction that is progressive. Compulsive gamblers never win, any big win goes back and more until we are bankrupt, insane, homeless, depressed and suicidal. That is it’s nature.
I am not a medic but I can say that the gambling highs and lows induce a type of manic depression although we are not usually bipolar, just bipolar through a gambling addiction.
There is a way out. I lost my business as it all went to gambling, you will lose yours too if you continue and more. It will take everything from you.
Firstly admit you are powerless over gambling and that your life has become unmanageable and then that you believe a higher power can bring you back to yourself and sanity. I believe that with all my heart. Then seek support through this site, and the groups, GA and counselling. Don’t wait until you go bust or borrow more and more until you r in a deep hole that will take years to climb out of. Compulsive gamblers never win, ever and so defeats the point of gambling to win. You can come back from this.

[RedBerry]

We only win when we stop gambling. It’s time to fight this addiction once and for all. I have won my money back a thousand times but never walked away.. I won 100k in two single days. Lost it in one hour or so. We are not gambling for the money no more but for the rush. Find a new hobby to give you this rush running, sport or fitness.

Don’t beat yourself up too much. Forgive yourself and accept the fact u can’t turn back time and get the money back. If u continue u will not only lose your money but everything u have.

Keep strong!

[blackjack412]

Any updates? Best thing I can say would be to self exclude then u cant gamble there. Only thing that stops me.

[RedBerry]

Stop gambling now and find yourself a replacement to get your mind occupied so u don’t think of gambling.

[Author]

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