[vixfalk]

Our relationship is very new. A little over a year. 6 months in, he told me about his gambling. I have my own issues, suffering with PTSD. So I said it was fine and we will work through it together.
I took control of his finances, he installed a blocker. But he always finds a way. We live in different countries right now, and we are planning our move to start our lives together.
He managed to get hold of his money via the phone yesterday, and gambled away nearly £500 before I woke up. I stopped this once I figured out how he did it. Once he calmed down he put things in place to stop himself as well.
Today, he has been someone completely different. He won all the money back he lost he says, just waiting to be paid. Then he gambled it all away again. He wanted me to send him money so he can ‘win it all back’. I said no.
He has been horrible. Manipulative. Nasty. Mean. Saying he is going to hurt himself. Threatening me. I’m glad we are in different countries,because if he was here, I’d be scared. He’s blocked me on all forms of communication.
Because he threatened to hurt himself, I contacted his mum who he is stayed with, to make sure he is OK.
I love him so much, and I’ve done everything I can to help him. I’m so upset, hurt and I don’t know what to do.

[velvet]

Hi Vix

You have done one of the best things to help him by coming here and writing what must have been a difficult post, so well done.

In my opinion it is just as well that you have not made the move to start your lives together yet. Hearing his gambling addiction, in full spate, is a timely wake-up call for you. It is a time for you to think about ‘you’ and your future and your dreams; a time to see old friends and possibly pick up hobbies that have been set aside while you have been worrying about your boyfriend.

I have never known a gambler who has given up gambling without seeking help. The belief that your boyfriend can stop himself without help is sadly almost certainly mistaken.

As he has blocked you from all communication it is difficult for you to offer him help. If he opens communication again, I suggest you let him know that you have sought support for you because you want to understand and perhaps support him better. Maybe you could tell him about this site. Our Helpline and our facilitated ‘gambler only’ groups are always willing to support and guide gamblers who are struggling to learn how to control their addiction.

I know how hard it is to love a gambler but it is important not to let that love destroy you and I know it can. Love alone does not stop someone gambling. If your boyfriend wants to stop gambling he does need the right support. And therein lies the crux of the problem – he has to want to stop.

I hope you will post again

Velvet

• This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by velvet.

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