[GamblingSucks09]

Hey guys, this is my first post and I guess I just want to type out my story and see if it helps because I’m feeling pretty hopeless right now.

I’ve always been a gambler, basically just sports betting. I booked bets starting all the way back in middle school through high school and college (while also betting on my own as well).

I stopped booking after college but continued betting and while it was probably excessive to a normal person, it was never completely out of hand or felt like I was out of control.

That changed in 2018. My girlfriend and I had our first kid in May of that year and my grandfather (who was basically my father) passed away in July of that year. That is when I got out of control.

I lost about $60k, won about $50k back, and then lost it all again to the point that I ended up losing a total of $75k in the year. (I ran through my entire savings and about $50k of that was on credit cards)

I came clean to my girlfriend at the end of the year, half expecting her to leave me, and she was extremely supportive and said we’d get through it and she still loved me. I was extremely thankful for her support and promised her I’d never do it again.

I’m very lucky to have a job where I can make a lot of money quickly if I work hard and have some luck on my side. So in 2019, I was able to get all of my debt paid off and have my savings back by September.

Then NFL started back up. I thought I could control a little gambling, but quickly lost $20k. I didn’t want a repeat of what happened before so I made a decision to close my account. That worked for about a week before I found another site to bet on. I lost about $30k over the rest of the NFL season.

So the $75k from 2018 and the $50k from 2019 puts me down $125k going into 2020. My girlfriend and I had our 2nd kid last month in January 2020. He’s had some health issues (nothing overly serious we’re told) but we’ve had 3 different stays in the ER since he’s been born.

This is where I’ve really lost control and really realized I have a problem I can’t control over the past month. I got lucky and went on a run winning bets to the point that just a couple weeks ago, I had $100k in my account. That wasn’t enough, I figured I’ll just win another $25k to get back to even from 2018.

Of course, it doesn’t work like that and I lost the entire $100k plus another $10k in the matter of a week or so. THEN, down to nearly my last dollar, I somehow get so damn lucky and get my account back to $60k as recently as this past Wednesday. Rather than learning my lesson and taking the money, only the past 4 days I’ve lost that all plus another $20k.

Last night was my last lost bet. So I’m basically back to where I was at the end of 2018, savings basically all gone and $50k in credit card debt.

Down $150k since 2018.

I came clean to my girlfriend again this morning, and she did not take it as good this time. She is furious and says I’ve really screwed the entire family and she can’t trust me. All of which is true, and it really really sucks.

She’s the only one who knows about this too. I’m the first person in my family to go to college and the first person to ever make decent money and they all think I’m rich and have all of this money that I clearly don’t because of my addiction. My entire family struggles with drug/alcohol addiction, I’ve been lucky enough to avoid that, but this gambling addiction feels just as bad or worse.

I’m 28, I’m confident I can put my head down and work and get out of this hole again within a year, but it will be exponentially harder if I don’t have my girlfriends support. She has every right to be pissed at me, we were trying to buy a bigger house within the next couple months and I really messed that up.

I don’t know why I’m like this, I don’t know if I subconsciously just hate myself or I feel guilty about having a little money and don’t think I deserve it so I gamble it all way. I don’t know, there’s no excuse obviously, it just really sucks. And my girlfriend said “obviously I don’t care” about her and the kids and hearing that hurts more than any money. It’s not true, I love them more than anything, I just have a serious damn problem.

I guess I’m just posting this to vent a little bit, and in hopes that someone else has been through this and can offer some words of wisdom of how to get through this and/or give advice/tips on how to avoid doing this again.

Hopefully this is day 1 of never gambling again.

[Min83]

Hi and welcome.

Thank you for sharing your story.

I can feel your sadness and regrets, but I really would like to let you know that it is not late and you can beat this evil addiction!

I was also struggling with gambling addiction(mainly online) for 2 years (stop and re-start, thinking that I can still control, I can just gamble for fun occasion..) and recently realised that I cannot control myself and seek help here.

I was sad, confused and angry at myself just like you when I first write my story, but I got so much warm and nice support from here that I felt I am not alone and I can stop it.

Today is my 24th days of gambling free.

I think you being honest with your partner was great step towards to stop gambling and I really recommend you to give all your financial access to your partner (keep as little as possible for you) for awhile till you feel confident enough to handle your money again.

I got clean to my husband about my gambling addiction 24 days ago and i gave him all my financial control and kept 100 euro for me (for myself for a month).

This really works for me because,

First of all, you have no money to gamble. Simple fact.

Second, you get great support from your partner and it gives you great motivation to you to stop gambling.

I got enormous amounts of support from here as well so please write and seek help as much as possible.

Lastly, I really want you to know that You are not alone and you can do it!

Let’s do it together!

(There are so much I would like to write, but I am not Native English speaker therefore it is very hard to Express my opnions as much as I want to. I hope you understand it).

[GamblingSucks09]

Thank you for responding! Hearing someone’s response from across the world saying I’m not alone is definetly comforting. Congrats on your 24 days also!

I’ll probably post and update again tomorrow night. Being at work tomorrow will probably be embarrassing. Even though they don’t know my problem, everyone I work with makes good money and they sit around talking about their investments while I’m sitting there broke because of my stupidity. It sucks, but I can’t change the past unfortunately.

[Min83]

I was sick at myself too.

Outside, I am a full-time mother and hard working person at my job (I am a freelancer and work from home).

My husband trust me, my friends trust me, my colleagues trust me.

But inside, I am a gambling addict with no money.

I spent all my savings in gambling and my daughter’s savings as well.

I was okey with my money but spending my daughter’s saving?! What kind of monster I am…

I needed help so I came out to 3 people (my husband, my sister and my friend) and now I feel I am on the right track.

I got so much support from here as well,  I really do not feel I am not alone.

It took 2years to me to accept my problem and come out.. 

The embarrassing feelings, the guilt, the self hatred… 

I was suffering a lot but I learned & realised that this is the mental disease which you need to treat not to suffer.

Anyone can have an addiction so I want you to stop feeling miserable but focus on to beat this evil addiction! 

Past is past but we can change the future, right? 

When I come out, my husband told me everyone has it’s own flaws and it is not late to fix it.

Accept what you are, seeking help, come out and openly talking about yourself need a lot of courage.

And you did it!

So think this way, you are on the way to clean your mess and you will do it! 

As you wrote here you once  cleared up your debts before, so this time you can do it again. 

But the urges will come and you are much weaker now so that is why I think you should give all your financial control to your partner or someone you trust so you can block yourself from gamble again. 

Then step by step, you find your way to stop this addiction. 

For myself, I read stories in this forum, watch documentaries/ read psychological writing about gambling addiction to learn more about it and trying to beat it.

But I know urges will come to me and I hope I can pass those urges nicely. I really hope.

I am not really sure why I do not feel any urges yet, maybe it’s too soon (I am gamble free for 24days), or I am really determined or I have no money so I know I cannot gamble ?!

I do not know which but I know one thing that it will come to me.

I wanted to be prepared so hopely I can pass when it comes.

I hope you can do too! 

Never too late so be strong!

[Seanraj4731]

Good day bro thank you for sharing your life start anew this moment you read this message.
You have found a website and you are seeking help to break free and you are going to be free my friend.
Read the testimonials of people on the forum and you will gain insights into what your life will look be being free.
Forgot the losses forget what people think of you.
You are going to be positive always brother. From this day onwards.
Be completely honest to your love one. Be open minded. Trust your gf with your money have little money on you hand over all your band cards etc to your gf. Hand over the financial aspects to her. Ban yourself from placing that bet.
Get a hobby
Excerise
Talk about it through GA meetings
Spend time with your love ones.
Be free
Be positive
Be thankful you have made a decision to stop
Continue being on the pathway of self recovery and healing
You are going to be free from this habit believe that

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[GamblingSucks09]

Thanks for the responses and words of encouragement!

Day 2
What I’m really struggling with is handling the situation with my girlfriend. She is so mad/sad/depressed and basically won’t talk to me. On one hand, I want to be positive and try to cheer her up and say we’ll get through this and “it’s just money” or “I’ll get us out of this quickly again”. But on the other hand, I don’t want to make it seem like I’m making light of the situation because clearly she has every right to be mad at me so maybe I should just let her.

I’m not worried about gambling anytime soon because realistically I don’t have the money to do so anyway. What I’ll be nervous about is in the future when I’m back in a decent position. Because no matter how good of a spot I am in in the future, I’ll always know I should have an extra $150k if it wasn’t for my stupid gambling. And that’s a ton of money, it’s ridiculous.

So you guys are right, I need a gameplan for when that happens. Maybe when that time comes, I’ll come back and read these posts and seeing how I felt early on and how my girlfriend felt will be the reminder that I need to not gamble.

[i-did-it]

Hi GS
Well done for sharing your story and for seeking help.
My game plan is to have a as many barriers as possible to give me thinking time.

So I have downloaded Gamban onto my phone and other internet devices- there is a free trial and it is so much cheaper than gambling after that.
I have ordered new bank cards and had someone else scratch off the back three numbers so that I can still use them in shops but not online.
I attend an addiction counsellor online who has somehow managed to change how I think about gambling.
I avoid all video games which activate the same reward system in the brain – in fact the only game I play now is scrabble.
I attend groups on here and discuss any urges to gamble I may have .
I challenge every single gambling thought and remind myself of what really happened in the past.

THis is working for me – I am almost six months gamble free and feel like I have a new life.
I hope some of the above is helpful for you .

[Steev]

You wrote: “What I’m really struggling with is handling the situation with my girlfriend.”

Put yourself in her shoes … you said, “I’ll always know I should have an extra $150k if it wasn’t for my stupid gambling. And that’s a ton of money, it’s ridiculous.”

She knows it too – and it is affecting her life as well. Yes she is mad / sad / depressed and probably needs to vent at the moment. Once she has done this – you both need to look rationally at the situation and plan for when you will have money again and be dealing with the urge to gamble. Have you put barriers in place? Ensure that you are banned or blocked from places where you might gamble – all of them. Can she handle your finances for a time until you are strong enough to take back control, (and this might take years?) Are you getting support from as many agencies as possible, not just here but in your local area through counseling or Gamblers’ Anonymous or similar? Have you a plan for how you will use your time?

Gambling is something that we do alone. We hide it from our loved ones because of the shame we feel. The opposite needs to happen with recovery, to be open as as involved as the others want to be. Some partner’s see it as something a couple / family should deal with together. Some see it as something the gambler needs to deal with, albeit with their loving support.

At some point when the mad/sad/depressed phase has run its course – have a conversation with your girlfriend about how she can support you and how you can support her to get through the next few years without gambling together. I wish you well.

[Author]

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