[eldlit]

Hello everyine! I’ve registered few minutes ago and i’m not sure that i’m writing it in the right topic, whatever… i just need to share my story with someone who can understand. it’s been 5 years now since i’ve started betting online.
And what makes me feel sick i was only 14 years old it’s just really sick… I used to bet small amount of my pocket money and process of winning and losing entertained me i felt ok with it. During 4 years of my gambling activity i never thought i had a problem
so i was fine with it. Comparing to nowadays it was not a real problem, i mean i was already sick in someways , but i didn’t lose a lot of money in such small period. One year ago i started working with my friend in one coffee, made enough money for school student 

and was happy with it because i could play even more. I was losing all my wage by betting again and again. 9 months ago during summer vacations i  had a winstreak and won almost 8000$. I think i better did not. After that i left my job, i thought i was the 
king in this world i can’t even explain i was like on drugs, i was high. I was happy with it and decided to leave bets, but decided to make last few in the end and i lost everything and even more.

It was 5000$ in minus. I had a dream to study in Norway and later live there. I needed money to pay for  living and so… I thought i was gambling to get enough money but now i discovered that during these 5 years i lost this amount that i needed. 

That’s crazy. I broke my macbook, iphone and computer during my rage when i was losing. I ‘ve never been agressive. I am not agressive. I feel like it is madness. I returned to my job, saved some money. stopped gambling and lost it two days ago… 

I almost broke up with my girlfriend because i was interested only in gambling and didn’t meet with her in a while. We’ve been together 3 years and now we have problems in relations. I borrowed some money from my friend to play, we are still fine, i’m giving it him back  

from my wages. Noone knows about my problem because i can’t talt about it. In my family we do not talk to each other. My father is rude and angry person i always was scared of him. My mom just won’t understand i know it for sure. 

I installed some apps that block those sites, i’ve excluded myself but it is so easy to find another place to bet in internet. I feel urges an i’m scared i will never stop. I’ve decided to stop today. I blocked my ban cards, but i don’t know if it is gonna help somehow. 

This year i must go to university. I dreamed of studying aboard, but now a’m literally in ruins, i’ve beed studying englush language hard, dreaming of studying norwegian, but now i dont feel motivation. I feel depressed and i don’t see my future somewhere away from here.

The most heartbreaking for me is understanding that i’m loser, everything that i have and become is totally my fault. I did it with my own hands step by step destroying all my savings, my future. I literally hate myself, when i fall asleep i have nightmares. 

How can i be sure that if i quit i will not start again in 1,2,3,5,10,15 years. Because if i start again i’m done. I will not forgive myself. 

I just need to take my life back, but it seems impossible after i’ve tried during last months. 

Thank you for your time and attention. I hope some of you who passed through can tell what was their way out.

Take care!

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Steev]

You are not a loser because you have “lost” money at gambling nor is everything your fault. There is no reason to hate yourself and you must find a way to love yourself again.

The problem is not with “you” as a person – but in your behaviour which has been manipulated by the gambling industry. Try and separate yourself from your addiction and know that you can change the behaviour that causes you pain.

You say that you nearly lost your girlfriend – so do I take it from that, that you are still together. If so, you must be loved by someone – so reason to care for yourself too! Does your girlfriend know of your gambling? Does anyone else? It is difficult to break this addiction by yourself – so you will need to share your problem with others. See if there are self-help groups in your country, or talk to a medic, a trusted friend, your girlfriend if you are able and if you can ask someone you trust to handle your finances for you for a while.

Keep yourself busy with things that are not related to gambling – and in your case why not make a start on your interest in Norwegian? If you google, “future learn Norwegian” you will find a link to a free on-line beginner’s course in the language – and there are other on-line sites where you can link with Norwegian speakers who may wish to learn your native language.

Not having any money does not have to be a barrier to getting what you want. It does make things more difficult so you may have to think creatively – but things like this can be done.

I have been free of slot gambling (my addiction) for over 10 years – so please believe that people can and do come through this. You can too.

[eldlit]

Hello! Thank you for you reply. It was very important for me to share my story with someone and i am very grateful that you answered me. You’re right about my girlfriend, we are still together, but she doesn’t know about my addiction and my friends does not know as well. They told me that i might have addiction because they knew i was playing, but i never confessed to them. My post on this website is my first “coming out” if i can say it that way. You are right about sharing my problem with others, i should do it but i feel like i am not ready yet to tell them. They might not understand. I’ve not been playing for 2 days now and don’t want to. No urges yet. I feel exhausted and sick and tired of all the stress and anger while i was gambling. I hope it remain that way, but i am scared that i will play again. How could you remain free of gambling for 10 years? How did you stand your urges?  As for me only work and studying distract me. It takes all my time and i am happy i don’t have time to gamble. You are also right about Norwegian, i’ve been thinking about some online courses for a long time, but gambling took all of my attention past year, because it was peak of my gambling activity. So as for now i am trying to study English more than i used to what surely will take my time and of course i will begin deling with  Norwigian as well. I am very happy you’ve answere. 

Looking forward for your reply. 

[Steev]

I didn’t just switch off like that. It took me many years to stay stopped. I did manage about 3 or 4 years at one point and then went back to it (under stress) but each time I “slipped” the damage was a little less.

The first thing I did was to tell people. I told a friend (who then pulled me out of an arcade later) and I told a counsellor who suggested GA. I then decided to put as much effort into my recovery as I had into my gambling – which was a lot. I went to as many GA meetings as I could fit into a week, I carried on with the counselling and I made sure that I didn’t have time to gamble by taking courses at weekends – my most “difficult” time. Possibly having someone alongside me, supporting me may have made things easier? Who knows – I wasn’t in a relationship when I decided to stop – and I didn’t gamble when in the relationships I had after making that decision.

So – tell people, get support, use your time more constructively and get support around your finances – AND if you can – bar yourself from places where you gamble.

I hope this works for you and you can keep gamble free.

[Author]

Posts