[srn123]

Its another thursday and i am ashamed again that i spent my husband paycheck and mortgage money at Mount Airy casino. I always had a gambling problem but when I was diagnosed with MS and had stopped working,my husband and I moved to PA, so I had no friends and no outlet for my distructive behavior. Its a lonely time. I’m sick and alone for 16 hours a day. They opend that casino and now I cant stay out even though im 1 month behind on my mortgage, my utilities are about to get cut, and my husband thinks we have 1800.00 in savings, but our account is -955.00. He found out about the cc’s – they are maxed, and he forgave me. it hit him hard but he doesn’t know what the money was spent on, just that it was spent( he hates gambling!)  If I told him I gambled away our money when he’s working 16 hour days, he’d have left me.I keep hoping every week that I’m gonna win back enough to pay the bills so I can finally sleep at night again, but i end up down 500.00 in just a few hours. Iam drinking beer and smoking cigs like a chimney which is not good, i’m on a lot of medication. I’m a 45 year old woman with no friends or family I can talk to about this and I’m afraid all the time- I cant lose my home or family. I take responsiblity for my actions, but endorphins overcome me, and I equate losing my money with pleasure somehow? sick right? I want my hubbie to take over finances, but i have to clear up the negative balance, and find about 3000.00  to make up mortgage payment and negative account balance, plus and 9000.00 in ccc bills due to cash advances and paying bills to cover my gambling losses.to catch up. Its not gonna happen so why do i try every week? everyone has some family or kids and i have my dog. I cant volunteer or work cause of my disability. I feel doomed. Thank you for letting me express myself. 
srnI’ll keep trying. I hope I have enough time to make things right.

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