[jack1986]

Hi everyone. can anyone share their experience of having to tell their partner about their addiction? I really want to open up to my wife but I’m petrified she’s just going to get up and walk out of my life when I tell her the mess I’ve got myself into. I know people say “honesty is the best policy” but I’m genuinely lost for words at how I can even begin the conversation with her. She hates gambling in general and has said previously how angry it makes her how selfish people can be. She generally doesn’t understand the mindset of someone who has a gambling addiction which is why I think this is going to end with the worst possible outcome of her leaving me. 

thank you in advance

jack

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[dunc]

Hello Jack

The expression “honesty is the best policy” is a hard policy to uphold but in my opinion, it was honesty that made me move from abstinence to recovery…

Jack you havent mention if you have attempted recovery before or if your wife is aware of your problem, and this makes a huge difference to any advice given however irrespective, no one can say how she will react or what you should do!

Working on an assumption Youve made promises to your wife before about stopping and these promises haven’t been fulfilled. why not stop talking about what you’re going to do. and do things that are realistic and that will make a tangible difference

No one can say what her reaction is going to be however if you have put barriers and therapy in place, she may just see this as courageous. for example, some of the following would show commitment which can only help your chances and will if commited make a better future

Self-Exclusion (Online, Bookies & Casino’s)
Gamstop
Group Therapy through GA
Face to Face Counselling
Group Therapy through Smart Recovery
Being willing to hand over financial control
Moving to a bank that doesn’t allow Gambling such as Monzo 

Jack, one question… if you don’t tell her: can you hide this from her or will the lies you tell catch you out? and then will it be the lies or the gambling that becomes the deciding factor?

[charles]

Hi Jack,

No guarantees about what will happen if/when you tell your wife but whatever happens wouldn’t be as bad as her “finding out” by other means.

Whilst there is no easy way to tell her what does tend to make things easier is to not just present the problem. You can show her what you are going to DO to tackle the problem – things like Dunc has mentioned above.

She can also help with some of the things like accountability which is important.

Another reason to tell her would be that to not do so will make it harder to use the support you need. For instance if GA is the thing that helps you stop gambling then you won’t need to lie about where you go once a week. if using this site you won’t suddenly have to close your computer window if she comes in the room.

Things like that could obviously cause other issues and suspicions!

Whatever you do the important thing is to keep posting/using support. What actions can you take to make ytour next bet less likely? Those actions will both help you stop gambling and could help to rebuild trust etc with your wife.

[Author]

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