[Goodbye Yesterday]

Some days are tougher than others. Today is one of those days for me. Getting over yesterday can be a tough challenge. It’s very easy to dwell on yesterday.

By yesterday I mean, the damage done to relationships, opportunities lost, and leaving behind the past.

On February 9, 2019, I had my breaking point with my compulsive gambling addiction. I had been using an online sports bookie that my so called friend solicited

to me back in August 2018. At first, I ignored his solicitation, but I eventually gave in and started betting even though I knew better from previous expierience. 

Within a few weeks I was down 5k. I took about a month and a half away from it all until I repaid my so called friend to pay the bookie. I started betting again. 

From that point I went on a streak of winning over 8k during a 4 week period. I felt so good about that and now I was even ahead! I would go on to lose 30k over

the course of December, January, and early February. All the while I was doing this behind the back of my new wife by using accounts without her name on it.

We had just got married in January 2019. I got to a point where I felt so rotten inside with guilt and remorse that I could not live one more day like that! I came

clean and told her everything almost one month ago on February 9. It felt like a ton of bricks was lifted off my back. My wife and I are working hard to keep things

strong between us. I feel much better about myself and have not placed a bet in 25 days now! 

However, yesterday has been hard for me to put in the past. I’ve been attending GA meetings for a month now weekly, read books on compulsive gambling, and 

vented to my wife and friends. This afternoon I just started to cry kind of out of nowwhere. Every morning when I wake up I think about the damage done from my

choices even though I know well that dwelling on yesterday does no good. The gambling led to me not being honest with my wife and betraying the trust she had in me.

I blew 20k that she trusted I had saved in a seperate account to put down for a payment on a home where we were moving to this summer. A great career opportunity

was thrown away due to not being able to relocate now. As funny as it may sound, I took great pride in being the commissioner of my fantasy baseball leagues that I had

been running for 12 years. Of course the boys are having their draft together tomorrow without me present for the first time in 12 years. My employer anticipated me leaving.

Now I’m left with little to do at work and find myself bored. I know this sounds like a poor me pitty party, but yesterday is my worst enemy right now! Any suggestions from

others on how they moved beyond the guilt, remorse, and regret of yesterday would be appreciated. Thanks.

[Steev]

Thanks for your post. I am a little confused – are you saying that you gambled 20K yesterday that was supposed to be a deposit on a house for you both. If so – I am not surprised that you feel guilt, remorse and regret. Perhaps you need to feel these feeling and to remember them so that when you get the urge to gamble again (which will happen) you can remember these feelings as the consequences of gambling.

I am guessing that you know the drill about banning yourself from gambling premises and online – giving your finances over to a loved one and getting support. You have been attending GA. I know that even with all these things in place I gambled. I had the guilt, regret and remorse and I felt I just had to knuckle down and do even more to recover – really work my recovery. Have you spoken to your wife yet about your latest gamble? She may need support herself – from this site or from Gamanon or similar. I hope you can both get through this and I wish you well.

[Goodbye Yesterday]

Steev, thanks for the reply. The 20k lost for the down payment was part of the 30k total that I lost over a six month period from August 2018 to February 2019. I have not placed a bet in 25 days and feel damn good about it! No more secrets or telling lies to hide my gambling from my Wife. I came clean on everything to her a month ago. 

When I say yesterday, I’m talking about dwelling on the past as a whole. I’m certainly in a better place than I was a month ago. Me and my wife budget our finances every two weeks together. She has a seperate account that savings go into. She is also on joint accounts with me. Things are looking up. I just have to learn to not dwell on the past and focus on today. 

[velvet]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Steev]

Sorry I got the wrong story and congrats on being 25 days gambling free. I don’t feel that it helps to dwell too much on the past. Certainly thinking about money lost – could lead to chasing losses. But remembering the crxp feelings that we have after gambling is useful if it keeps us from going back. Focus on your new you. I found it was almost like putting on an act at first – I was so identified as a CG – with all the shame and low self-esteem that goes with that. So becoming a recovered gambler meant I had to act differently and wore the new me in (like a new pair of shoes.) Now I feel I am a recovered gambler and the shoes feel comfortable for me. I’m retired – currently in a cottage on the wild west coast of Ireland – enjoying life. I hope you enjoy your new life as well.

[IRockVX]

Thanks for sharing GY and Steve. I totally agree about doubling down/knuckling down on this compulsion … there is residue of it in the back of the mind (well at least the back of my mind) even when I’m not gambling … it hangs out as something innocent that isn’t.

Accepting the new me can feel weird/odd at first. For me I know the feelings of struggling to accept it/being caught up in “well I know i’ll give in at some point” or blind optimism disguised as getting out but actually rooted in holding onto the idea of the next bet… the two languages it bounces back and forth between inside (at least for me). I find that thinking tends to be very pinned down/black and white with this addiction where awareness of more than 2 choices of deep extremes is basically numbed by all the energy being consumed even by just thinking about it …

Stepping fully out of that gravity well … however recent, has felt like incredibly deep oxygen to me. It has also made me grateful and acknowledging of the fact that prior to very recently coming to wonderful places like this, I in fact have been successful in widdling down my participation in markets/my form of gambling to have less impact on my life … however widdled down is still very dangerous and draining. Every good step forward truly matters. Your 25 days and the days beyond that matter — always remember that.

Much love and support

[Author]

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