[oberliner]

I can’t stand it. There is never anyone here to chat. I am destroying myself. Wiping out hour by hour all of my money online. I can’t stop myself. I am totally out of control. please please someone help me.

[bettie]

Sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time.
I wish I could help you Ob but the reality is we have to help ourselves.
Safe Harbour also has a chat-www.sfcghub.com. Due to the time differences you may find more people there as it is in the States.
I have chatted with you many times and really you know what to do.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off.
http://www.gachicago.org – another good site.
You gotta want to do it.
I’m pulling for ya!
bettie

[oberliner]

I apologize for the post. I am just alone and lost and gambling away all the money I worked so hard to save. It’s been a horrific week of binge gambling that has wiped out every penny and more. I didn’t know where to turn or how to help myself. I was out of control. I am trying this morning to pick up the pieces but I am in so much pain I can’t stand it.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry! I promise the pain will go away. Take it a day at a time. The more gambling free days you have you will be able to think clearer and things will get better. It’s so hard. A week ago I wanted to die but amazing what a week gambling free can do. Trust me I have a long way to go but I can only focus on right now. Hang in there!

[charles]

Hi Oberliner, well done on posting.

It sounds like you have been connecting to the “Open Groups”. Unfortunately these are unmoderated groups, it’s impossible 24/7, and yes it’s quite likely that many people connect at different times and don’t actually find anyone there to talk to. All the other types of groups are moderated though, are you able to connect to any of them? There is always someone there for you to talk to.

The one to one helpline is also open during office hours (UK TIME)

This forum of course is also available for support 24/7. I recognise your name so I think you have posted here in the past? If you are unable to connect to the moderated groups then you can get support here. Tell us about your situation, the things you have tried to help you stop etc

Hopefully you will be reading the othe stories here, what are others doing that you can apply to your own situation? A blocker on your PC? Being accountable to someone for your finances? GA meetings?

Keep posting, you have told us how much you are hurting – use that pain, put things in place now while you are hurting so that you will be less able to gamble later when that pain fades and the urges return.

I look forward to reading the steps you are taking and hopefully I will meet you in one of the moderated groups soon.

[monique]

Just a word of welcome from me, too. Like Charles, I seem to recognize your name. You have perhaps looked for help before and now you have returned? I’m sorry you have not found people to talk to, but Charles has explained some of the ways to make sure you are heard and can receive advice, support etc.
Reading some of the stories of those who are managing to live without gambling may give you hope and courage, too. Please don’t imagine the ‘success’ stories are only those of ‘other people’ – you, too, can achieve what you really want.

All good wishes,

Monique

[oberliner]

Thanks to all who responded. I appreciate the support.

Yes, I have posted here in the past – but I had been gambling free for a long time and essentially thought the problem was behind me.

Sadly, in a matter of a few weeks, I have undone all of the progress I thought I had made and ended up losing all of my savings through gambling online.

I had – for about three years – turned over my finances to my brother. Thinking I had this licked, I took control back (he was also getting a bit tired of having to continue to pay my bills for me, etc.).

Long story short, after about a month or so I dipped my toe into playing fantasy sports games for money online. I won a bit of money the first few times – and then things quickly went downhill.

Within a few days I gave back all my winnings and then continued to play (chasing losses, etc.) in a very out of control fashion until I had wiped out all of the money that had recently been turned back over to my control.

I would place bets in the late afternoon – lose money on the sports games in the evening – vow to never do it again. Put the site on a “blocked” list, but then the next morning I’d “unblock” the site, convince myself that I needed to try again – and on and on until all the money was gone which took just a few weeks.

I sit now in absolute despondency and depression – not only at having lost all the money that took years to save, but also in the fact that I still feel an overwhelming urge to gamble and find myself scanning through thoughts of how I can acquire money in order to be able to do so.

Thankfully, I have no acting on those urges and am now about to go to sleep on what will be my 2nd day of gambling. I don’t feel like this is cause for celebration because I feel like if I had any money in my account it would continue. But the extra effort it would take when I don’t have that money has been enough of an obstacle to stop me for the time being.

That is where things stand right now. I tried GA once and was turned off by it. I have also been in therapy but didn’t feel like that went anywhere as well. I have other addictive tendencies along with anxiety and depression so I probably should see a therapist but I just am not motivated to do so.

That is where things are at for me right now. Thank you for listening, and I’d appreciate any insights.

[bettie]

I find that most people I have talked to either take to GA right away or are turned off right away. I think alot of that is our addicive voice is rolling in our heads with stuff like :
I don’t belong here.
I am not like these people.
I’ll never make it.
These people don’t like me.
Or
Some “old timer” will make a smart remark ( that happened to me!)
Try it again Ob.
Be open, honest and willing. These points are key I think.
Page 17 is all anyone needs to do to be a recovering CG.
http://www.gachicago.org
You will find a lot of info and pamplets there. Pg 17 is is in the yellow book.
bettie

[charles]

Hi Again Oberliner. Have you spoken to your brother about what has happened?

Havign someone hold your money would help you again. It shouldn’t land all the responsibility of paying bills etc on your brothers shoulders though. You can still be responsible for paying bills, setting up direct payments etc All he is doing is keeping you accountable for how you are spending it.As Bettie has said, maybe try GA again. You stopped for 3 years so the good news is you can do it again, this time though don’t try and do it on your own. We need help when we are introuble and want to stop – it’s important to keep using support when in recovery to hep us stay stopped.

keep posting.

[Author]

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