[DaniA]

A few weeks ago I hit my rock bottom (again.. that bottom keeps getting lower and lower) I had given myself one month to quit gambling and if I failed I would take my own life. Well I failed. In a huge way (like always). I couldn’t take one more morning of waking up or one more day of hurting my daughter and husband.

I wrote a note, swallowed three bottles of pills, ran myself a hot bath and barricaded the door shut by opening the three drawers in front of it.

My husband found me and called 911. I had failed. I wasn’t surprised I failed because I know the statistics of this method are rarely leathal, but thought I had taken enough to beat the statistic.

So lots of pain and a kidney infection later, here I am. I’ve decided not to give up and keep trying I beat this. I don’t want to die sad and hurting like I was and I don’t want to cause that pain for my family, although it seemed at the time like the only way to end the pain I’ve caused them.

It’s been a little over 2 weeks since my attempt and I have only gambled $10 (this is compared to $1000.00 or more per week). I’ve set myself up with a psychologist/addictions specialist and just returned from my first meeting with him today. My mother is flying out to be with me in 9 days as well.

I have worked with a therapist in the past, but she was inexperienced with addiction and was of little to no help. I have not attended GA, that is a personal choice of mine.

Anyways.. I don’t know the point of this post.. maybe I just feel like gambling and this is a distraction. Have a good day everyone.

[Jonny123987]

Hi Dani,

I empathize with what you’re going through and the pain you are feeling. It’s quite overwhelming. I have been there too. Life has a way of really beating us up sometimes. I’m glad to hear your husband found you and that your baby didn’t lose her mother. I’m glad to hear you’ve slowed down your habit and are expressing yourself on this site.

My thoughts to you would be:
1. Turn over all finances to your husband if he isn’t a gambler.
2. Ban yourself from all websites and casinos
3. Get gamble block for your computer and phone.
4. Go to GA and get a sponsor to talk to. It does help and although the sessions seem like a pain to go to you feel somewhat refreshed and better afterwards. Try one and let me know what you think
5. Forgive yourself and let go of the past. That’s what I need to do now as well. Focus on the future and be the person you thought you’d be when you were younger. Be that person and I will try to as well.

Much love,
Jon

[Jonny123987]

I’ve been hurting pretty badly to lately. I do get it.

[Author]

Posts