[Hopeless326]

Hello all,

I come to you in one my lowest points in life. I am now 28 years old. I’ve been gambling since I was about 20. If you include with my friends and family even younger than that. I would play anything that would feed my craving.. blackjack, roulette, slots, video poker you name it I’ll throw away all my money on it eventually. What really got me is sports betting. I’ve been an avid sports fan since I was a teenager and wagering money on a game was just so fun. It started off small. When I was working retail jobs my wages would be 20-50 dollars.. and if I felt really risky I would bet $100-200. Mind you my paychecks were only 400-800 dollars. I would be broke all the time. Living paycheck to paycheck. Borrowing money from my parents or loved ones. I told myself time and time again that I would stop gambling and I would but I would always pick it back up. Then around 25 I finished college and started to pursue my career. I was making about $60000 and never seen this kind of money before in my life. Paychecks were almost $2k but after paying my Bills whatever leftover I would blow on gambling. I never gambled what I didnt have until I started having credit cards. About 2 years into my job I gain about $30k line of credit. I went on a bad betting spree and was losing $5k and week, kept trying to chase and win it back until I had nothing left. I end up defaulting on all those cards and in the process of settling some of that debt now. About 2 years ago my daughter was born. I told myself that it’s time for a change and I need to save money for our future and her. But anytime I would get any kind of money saved up I would go a blow it all. What starts off as a small 10 or 20 dollar bets turn into hundreds or thousands. This most recent defeat is my most dissapointing. I currently owe about $15000 on my wife’s cards that she doesnt know about. I was up about $30000 and ready to pull it out, pay things off and start fresh, when just a few losses took me over the edge and I end up losing everything. I cant keep living like this. I’m so depressed. I make good money now about $80k a year. I should be able to pay off my debts in about a year or so. I need guidance. I’m scared my wife will leave me if I tell her. I really want to overcome this problem myself. I want to do it not just for me but for my family, to give them a better life. I’m so tempted to deposit a few more thousand for a chance to crawl out of debt. Please help me.

Sorry I know this is such a long rant.

[Steev]

Sadly yours is a familiar story. Starting low and then when you gain access to more money – gambling more and then getting access to credit which also gets used for bets.
Also not stopping when up and able to pay off some of the debt.

You say you can pay off your debts in about a year or so. That doesn’t sound too long – but I know from experience that we tend to predict it will take less time than it does. Also beware that once debt free you will be tempted to gamble again – as you were able to get out of the mire once … That is just how our brains work.

You know that you need to tell your wife about gambling with her money. It will be better coming from you, than if she finds out in some other way. However no-one can predict how she will react once she knows and it could put your marriage at risk. Personally, I would get support from someone over this – probably a counselor so that you know information will be kept confidential and not leaked back to her. If she can see that you acknowledge you have the problem and that you are doing something about it, then she may be more willing to support you. But hey, I know nothing about your personal situation – so this is a call that you will need to make. But the more people who are looking out for you the better – and remember that when you start recovery and you are doing new things (like going to a support group) she is going to notice and possibly ask questions …

What you can do now is take the steps to stop gambling. It is crucial that you do this as you have already alluded to being tempted to chase losses in your last but one sentence.

So – admit you have a problem. I mean really admit it – put as much effort into recovering from this problem as you put into your gambling … it has to be – you are fighting for your families future as well as your own.

Ban and block yourself from all places and online sites where you gamble. There is information about site blockers under “self help” on this site and plenty of information on the internet.

If you decide to come clean with your wife – see if she can handle your finances for you, until you are strong enough in your recovery. If you do not want to involve her – is there some other family member or a close friend that could do this? If you have to continue to handle your own finances – read up on strategies in other people’s posts.

Get really good support for yourself. Counseling is one option but also self-help through Gamblers’ Anonymous or some other local support group.

Finally, you need to find something in your life to replace your gambling. It will be tempting to focus on your family – but again don’t rush to make changes you can’t sustain, that could be confusing and upsetting to your family. Rather think about what you gave up for gambling – either actual activities or hopes and dreams and focus on the new life that you are going to build.

I am sure others will chip in with more advice. Keep posting and let us know what is happening. I wish you well.

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

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