[paul315]

This may appear twice, I am not that familiar with navigating the now setup.

August 12, 2014

Today marks my being on the road of recovery for 5 years. The time I have spent traveling this road reminds me of the cliché “Recovery is not a destination, it is a journey”.

My name is Larry, screen name Paul315, and I am a compulsive gambler in recovery. Even though I started recovery 5 years ago my last bet was October 17, 2012. I signed in today to let my friends here know that I am doing well and that I keep them in mind and in my prayers. I also still visit this site from time to time, I am just not active in the ways I was when I first joined.

For anyone new here that may not know my story I will share the beginnings of my journey. Five years ago yesterday I was given notice that if I did not make payment on a series of bad checks that I would be prosecuted on felony charges. In search of some online legal advice I found that being in a ‘deprived state of mind’ and under the control of an addiction was a possible defense that could help in my situation. I searched out a source for online help with gambling so that I could show that I was taking action to correct my problem. I found this Gambling Therapy site and joined the group here on August 12, 2009. I felt so good that I found another way to get over while still denying that I really had a problem that I when out and celebrated. How does a CG celebrate, they gamble.

I started out the day at one casino where I could still cash checks because they were not connected to a check cashing system and cashed an additional hot check. After loosing all that money I went to another casino where I still had a line of credit and used that up loosing all of it in my all night beige. Leaving that casino the following morning, the 13, and waiting on the platform of our Metro train station to head home I decided to just be involved in an ‘accident’ and step in front of the oncoming train and end my problem. At that moment I recalled that a lady had done the same thing a few weeks earlier, and survived turning herself into what is commonly referred to as a vegetable. I now see this sudden thought as an intervention of my Higher Power, in my case it was God speaking to me.

I got on the train and headed home, once there I joined in on a open chat room of GT and learned about Gamblers Anonymous from a couple of fellow members, Colin and Ken. I found that there was a meeting a couple of blocks from my home, a building that I passed every time on my daily trips to and from the casinos. I joined GA on August 17, 2009 and have been going to meeting and working the 12 Steps every day since. Gambling Therapy, Gamblers Anonymous, and my God saved my life and put me back on the right road to restoring me to a more normal way of thinking and living.

A more detailed outline of my transformation, the reason for my screed name Paul as Saint Paul was transformed to a better person from his former self, Saul, can be found in my earlier postings but this was just to show others, to let other humans know about my dealings with the nature of this disease, and to let other know that there is hope and a way for them to live and not just endure the pain, suffering, and consequences of addiction, existing on the edge of destruction not knowing the joys of living outside the controls of our addiction. To quote Kathryn’s closing line, “To live that would be a great adventure ~ Peter Pan”.

In closing I thank each and every one connected with GT, its staff, members, and visitors, and the members of the Friends & Family Forum, for their support and help in my being able to think and act in ways more akin to being normal. I hesitate to mention any names, but you should know who you are when I send out a special thanks and special thoughts to you that became so dear.

In closing I will use the remarks from Harry in many of his closings, advice when followed can keep us on track, “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. ~ Lao Tzu”

Thanks to my Higher Power, my 3 G’s, God, GT, and GA, I am another day away from reliving day two of recovery.

Larry

[cat438]

Larry, so nice to see your post and have the opportunity to thank you for all the support you gave me when I joined GT and had my many slips. I know when I joined GT you were an inspiration to me as you were living a gamble free life one day at a time. I also know that my heart ached for you when you gambled, but I also appreciated that you shared it with us. As you know we all learn from each other and in my eyes you had it beat, but it showed me that we had to always be aware, as we are all the same time away from placing our next bet. I don’t know if that is exactly how you said it. I am thinking back and it is June, 2011 when I joined GT and started recovery. The last time I put money in a vlt/slot was November 1, 2012, but I know if I put one dollar in, it would be the same story. I tried so many times to be able to play those machines as a responsible gambler. It never worked for me. I accepted that I am a compulsive gambler and powerless over those machines. It will always be one day at a time!!! God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Keep looking after yourself Larry and God Bless.

[velvet]

Dear Larry
How good to see you post. It is wonderful when we hear that friends are doing well and you are a friend that will never be forgotten by those who knew you.
Of course it is always good to hear thanks but the biggest thank you must go to you Larry because it was you that changed your life, it was you who fought the battle and it is you that gives such joy and hope to all who read your words.
You gave me more than you will ever know and because you wrote almost every day it was a tonic I could look forward to with regularity. I have missed you but knowing that you are enjoying the fruits of your labours means I will have a smile on my face for a long time.
Thank you Larry, the Friends and Family forum was blessed by having you on the site.
Velvet

[desdemona]

Dear (((Larry)))! How wonderful to see you post! Congratulations on all your clean time and your recovery journey. You helped me so much on my own recovery journey, and it is a journey, not a destination. We never arrive! How’s your precious granddaughter? Carole

[bettie]

Glad to see your post and very glad to see that you are working recovery ODAAT.
Some days are longer than others-thats for sure.
I’m so glad that I was one of the fortunate people that met you on this recovery road.
You are in my thoughts often.
Thank you larry!
bettie

[kathryn]

Hiya Larry,
What a great post, I too am extremely fortunate to have been supported by you on this forum. Your thoughtful, insightful posts have always been welcomed and pondered over…lol.
I’m so so happy to read that you are doing well and I think of you often. You have made my recovery journey a little easier, thank you my friend!
In regards to my closing line, it wasn’t from the traditional Peter Pan story, it was from the movie Hook and was spoken by the one and only Robin Williams. No matter how little or well we know someone, our interactions with them, no matter how small, in person or not, can have an enormous influence on our life.
Stay well my friend, and god bless,
Love K xxxxx

[charles]

Hi Larry, great to see a post from you. I’m glad everything is going well. Maybe see you in one of the groups here soon. Take care.

[paul315]

Thanks Kathryn for the info on the phrase that I find very true now that I am able to enjoy, face, and look forward to the adventures of life.

It is ironic that Robin Williams has been brought into focus during this time of his death because he has another quote dealing with addiction, facts that we need to stay aware of daily — “It waits. It lays in wait for the time when you think, ‘It’s fine now, I’m OK.’ Then, the next thing you know, it’s not OK. Then you realize, ‘Where am I?… “, and “the idea of just one (bet) for someone who has no tolerance for it, that’s not the possibility.”

God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware.

Larry

[Anonymous]

Larry how lovely to read your post. I often wonder what happens to people once they aren’t actively posting and it’s so wonderful to know that you are doing so well.. Don’t underestimate the positive impact of your post on so many people who find themselves on this site. I feel so happy and like there’s a real chance I will make it this time!! Thank you!!

[p]

Hi Larry it is so nice to know you are going so well.. i have often wondered how you are doing and have really missed seeing your posts.. so good to see them again.. well done.

P

[vera]

Thinking of you today, Larry
August 13th is a special day for you.
Pay us a visit soon.

[paul315]

Thanks Vera, and sorry for the delay in replying to your post. Yes, Aug 13th is a special day for me, back in 2009 not only did the events of that day change my life they gave my life back to me.

I am still working on my recovery, there are still a lot of changes needed in my life, my thinking or thoughts, and my accepting — ‘accepting the things I can not change’.

GT will remain a great part of my recovery and life, if not for my involvement here and the interaction and help from its members I could not be at this stage of my life today, nor would I have found my other friends and fellow gamblers at GA .

Working on recovery is more than not gambling, it is also not allowing the addiction to take hold again. The best way I have found to do this is to live life to the best of my ability and not be searching for escapes from adversities or shortcuts to personal gains or happiness. So to all my friends at GT, keep working towards the goal of recovery, keep working at progressing one day at a time and give no thoughts to achieving perfection — recovery is a journey, not a destination.

God’s speed, stay strong, keep aware.

Thanks to my Higher Power and the friend in rooms like GT having to return to a Day two in far from my thoughts.

Larry, aka pauld315

[Pea]

Hi Larry

I feel so strange saying hi to you after all these years and looking at your fantastic journey of recovery. we were here at the same time and i am a week gamble free. I feel like a failure but I’m still here.
So pleased for you Larry you have put the hard work in and its paid off.

Pea

[kathryn]

Hi Larry,
Lovely to see your name…..we have been GT friends for a long long time!!!!
I hope your journey is a healthy and happy one. Sure, there are always little roadblocks, but staying strong in recovery can ensure these can be faced with a clear head.
Life is for living Larry! Wishing you an amazing adventure!!!
Love K xxx

[vera]

I think your anniversary is around this time, Larry?
Eight years, is it??
Drop in to say hello, when you get the chance.

[Author]

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