[Onmyway]

Hello out there,

This is my first post, I am not even sure where to start. I will give it a shot to try and express my feelings about who I am and how gambling has affected my life.

I used to be a person that set goals and was able to reinvent myself all through my life. My childhood was not easy, lost my father at the age of 9, got preganant

at the age of 17, went on to finish High school and also got a business degree ,decided to get a second degree in my 40’s and changed my career. 

I have a decent career, very stressful at time but rewarding.  Now that I have extra money i have made bad choices. I lied to my husband about where the money went at first, eventually i told him the truth.

He has been understanding however, this ordeal has created a trust issue. Not only with him but within myself. I have never let anything control me, I thought of myself as a person of discpline and priorities were my home and family.

My mother past away 4 years ago and I lost it, somehow I became detached to what was important to me.  I did not know how to deal with the feeling of lossing my best friend my mother. It was a very sad time for me although I did not really share how

depressed I was with my family.The pain was so deep as though I was an orphan in my 40’s. I realize that many people have lost both parents and I tried to pull it together but inside  I was feeling so alone. I lost interest in everything that was

important to me.

About 6 months after : My husband and I went to the casino whch we had gone may 3 times in 15 years, so we were not big gambling people. I won and it made me feel good, that was something that I had not really felt after the death of my

mother. That is when it all started. I started going to the casino trying to get that feel good feeling. this contnued for 4 years. I am now dealing with an addiction problem that I never thought would happen to me in my 50’s.

I have spent so much money, that I have relinguished my paycheck to my husband. However I got a second contingent job so that I would not be completly without. I also have a second banking accout.

Well here I am today, I went gambling on sunday and overdrafted my account, I have enough money in my account that my husband controls and my bills are paid but I have overdrafted my second account due to gambling.

I can not tell my husband I think he would be so upset and I do not want to put him through it. So I am on my own. I will have to pay overdraft fees and be broke untill the next paycheck. 

I am so disappointed in myself!!!!

The thoughts of going to the pawn shop has come to my mind, that I could go back and try to win the money back. It seems so tempting. I keep telling myself that the money will be in the bank on friday to cover my mess.

Dont dig yourself a deeper hole. Stay true to what you want to accomplish. stay gambling free.

I hope I have the strength.

[i-did-it]

Hi Onmyway

Welcome and really well done on starting a thread – i too became addicted to gambling in my 40s. It is so difficult to stop but what has helped me is having a lot of barriers . I have gambling blockers on all my internet devices – I think maybe you can get self- barred for your local casinos . It might be embarrassing but it will give you complete freedom. .

Nobody gets it like we do on here -one part of our brain
screams stop while another completely over powers it with the scream of you can win it back !

We can’t and won’t – because even if we win we cannot withdraw it and keep it withdrawn. We have lost control over this – it controls us .

It is time for us all to take our lives back – many have done andyou can too.

There are groups on tonight which I think you will find really helpful- you will get to chat to others and get lots of advice

[finding_laura]

I’m glad you are posting Onmyway! As hard as this seems you can get control again. Usually by giving up control! I can understand not wanting to disappoint your husband. Maybe when your check come Friday and your debt clears you can give him control over your other account. I know it’s hard to admit we can’t do this all on our own. By giving up control it will help you get through the urges. Like any addiction there will be urges or cravings and mood swings. Keep in touch. We are here to help each other get through this. Good to “see” you again. Thank-you for sharing some of your story.
Laura

[velvet]

Hello Onmyway and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

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