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I am totally new to online forums. I am not sure how this is supposed to work. I am willing to give it a shot. I do not have any GA meetings in my area. The closest one is over 30 minutes away. In order to go to one of those after work I would have to tell my husband where I was going and why. Like most people with addictions, I have spent more time and money then I want to admit. I have spent bill money and put my bank account in the negative several hundred or thousands of dollars. I control the money so my husband does not know how much money we have or what bills we pay. I have tried stopping several times only to go back and spend more money and more time. It’s like someone else is in control of me once I walk through the door of a casino. Like I am 2 very different people living 2 very different lives. I want to stop. I want to quit wasting money. I want to stop deceiving my husband, friends, and family. I have banned mysrlf from the casinos closest to my home. There are so many though. l just have not been able to do it. I feel like I can’t do it alone and I don’t have anyone to turn to. I’m hoping this helps. I feel like this is my last hope.
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Hi I thought your other thread would have received some replies by now, I’ve noticed that the forums can go quiet from time-to time.
Although my gambling experiences started off on the arcade slot machines many years ago, I wasn’t predominantly a slots player. Most people currently posting in this forum are so maybe they’re better placed to offer you some support. I believe that although different CG’s (compulsive gamblers), get hooked on different types of gambling that it is still the same problem, and although we’re all unique individuals with unique circumstances and different sets of reasons for starting gambling there are a lot of common denominators. And I think it makes sense that the main-stays of every one’s recovery should be along similar lines.
Sounds like your problem is way out of control. GA might be worth the 30 minute drive, another person on the forum recently wrote about her 2 hour drive to her nearest meeting and how she was pleased about making the effort.
Although it feels like the end of the world it really isn’t. The thing is though it is an uphill struggle to begin with and if you’re not going to tell your husband or get to GA then you aren’t giving yourself the best opportunity, (in my opinion).
You’ve said you’ve unsuccessfully tried to stop on a few occasions it’s not suprising that if you just keep doing the same things it’s probable you’ll just keep getting the same outcome. My support would be along the lines of advocating complete honesty with your husband, I promise you he will more than likely come to terms with the severity of your gambling a lot easier than the fact you’ve covered it up for so long.
The only reason I was able to stop gambling was by stopping being dishonest, it’s working for me I havnt gambled in about 18 months, my last bet a lottery ticket. It was very hard, I’d lied for many years to most people, especially myself, about most things, especially my gambling.
I know some of the slots players don’t agree with my views on recovery, especially where being completely honest is concerned, so that’s why I think they might be better placed to offer you some better constructive support than simply just telling your husband and going to GA.
Keep posting, you will get replies
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Hi DM and welcome to the forum! So sorry in my late reply. I’ve been recovering from surgery and it seems every time I increase my activity level I end up needing a lot of sleep and miss keeping up with everyone’s posts.
This forum gave me an amazing amount of support, especially if you keep using it and people know you are going to stick around it gives them a chance to offer support. I also found GA helpful and attended meetings very regularly in the beginning. We don’t seem to think anything of the hours wasted traveling to or sitting in a casino. So a hour round trip and a hour or two meeting really is nothing compared to now likely.
I too was hiding the extent of my gambling and spending from my husband. I was very sick by the time I finally told him. I knew I had to. To save me! I had to stop or my life would be ruined whether he stayed or left. I was terrified and sick to my stomach all the time. I couldn’t sleep or eat. My anxiety and depression was getting unmanageable. Suicidal thoughts. He surprised me with his response. I thought he would leave for sure. But in the end he understood I had a problem. It would have been ideal for him to take over our finances but he just didn’t feel capable or have any interest! So I found a family member to do it. I needed financial accountability to someone. I didn’t want to have temptation or urges and access to money to gamble.
Please know you are not alone! The more you post the more you receive replies. Try and stick to one thread and keep adding your posts to it. That helps us keep track of you and how you are doing. In the beginning it is hard to think or do other things. Keep trying to find ways to distract from gambling. It takes time for our minds to get over this!
I managed 5 and a half years of gamble free time before I had a relapse. But I am back on the bandwagon and have another year without a bet. Life is good! Take care, Laura -
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Hi D
I’m sorry that you are not getting the replies you deserve, sometimes (I don’t know why) members slip down the forums and get missed. You wrote a lot more in your first post with the title ‘Down the Rabbit Hole’ so I am going to respond to that at the same time as this thread. As I went to post this I noticed that you have now had a couple of replies but I will send this anyway.
You wrote that you are ‘completely’ addicted and I would argue that you are not – there is a lot more to you than your addiction and it is all your other worthwhile attributes that I hope you will find and learn to love.
I am so sorry that your husband did not offer any support when you asked for it, I know it is harder to control an addiction without the help of loved ones but I know it can be done or I wouldn’t be writing to you now.
Why do your plans fall through? Are the plans you are making with your family achievable plans or are you setting the bar too high, it is important to achieve goals so maybe you could set the bar lower?
Avoiding casinos at weekend when you visit your family sounds achievable to me – maybe you could write again and let us know how well you did. Church too, has supported many gamblers when they seek to control their addiction, I hope the other church members are friendly and offer positive support to you.
I look forward to reading that you got to GA this Friday and that you return with positive thoughts as a result. Abstinence isn’t recovery D, desire is the niggling voice that has to be silenced and you can do it. I know that you don’t desire to feel as you do now so I hope you will keep posting and join our groups where you will be supported without judgment.
Maybe you could hold off telling your husband a bit longer,; it is always good to share a problem when you have accepted it yourself and turned words into actions.
Well done not giving up on us – keep posting
Velvet -
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Hi D
I am pleased that you have told your husband that you are still struggling but that you are doing something about it – his lukewarm reaction hopefully means he heard you on some level. It is common for many of those who love CGs to turn a deaf ear because they cannot cope with what is being presented to them – it is better and easier to believe it isn’t true. It is also a fact D that most non-CGs do not understand the addiction to gamble unless they have sought knowledge of it. You have said that your husband has not shown interest in the family finances either which would be where most non-CGs begin to recognise that there is an inexplicable problem that requires further investigation.
You are not invisible; you are possibly one of the quiet ones but the quiet ones are just as important as those who enter a room and demand attention just by being there. I have quiet friends who sit on the periphery of groups but they are all special and I enjoy their company; I find they often have more to say that makes sense than all the egotists in the room.
Believe in yourself and others will believe in you. You have probably been held back with unnecessary guilt of an addiction that seeks to destroy self-confidence and self-esteem but there is nothing for you to be ashamed about; you didn’t ask for or want your addiction and what is special about ‘you’ is that you are standing up to it and that takes more gumption than many people, CG or not, possess.
You are the doing well and on this site your efforts are recognised for what they are – courageous and scary but offering great hope.
I can hear you and so will many others – I look forward to following your progress
Velvet -
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I’m sorry I haven’t posted before now, I have had an incredibly busy time (my daughter just had a baby)
Wow, you have made some progress…..telling your husband, a GA meeting, new church.
Big steps, and ones you should be proud of.
Could your husband take control of the finances for a while? It would take a lot of pressure off you, not having access to money. I did it when I told my husband…..I gave him my debit card and made him sit with me each week while I went through the bills (he hasn’t a clue how to pay them) but I made sure he knew where every single cent was going. If I needed cash I would ask him or he would give me my card and I would have to be accountable for every red cent. It worked for me, I was sick of the responsibility and the pressure, not to mention the fear of having that access to money.
Nowdays, I am back at the wheel….however he knows what we have and don’t have. What needs to be paid and if there is anything extra. I’m still accountable .
I’m looking forward to reading how your GA meeting went.
You’ve got this!!!!
Love K xx -
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Great Post
You see, you are definitely not invisible!
I can’t tell you what to do but it seems to me that by not banning yourself from that one casino you are keeping the door slightly ajar – just in case. In my opinion, banning yourself sooner rather than later is an important part of letting go.
Hope all goes well with your other weekend plans
Velvet
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I think you are making good progress. Can your Husband take over the finances for awhile? It’s hard to give up our control but sometimes necessary for our recovery. I started back to GA after a relapse and travel 2 hours each way as I live in a very small town. Although it’s a pain traveling that far, I’m happy to say that I feel like I’m back on the right path. I’ve paired counseling sessions also. Remember that you are not alone. You have support here and we are all in this fight together.
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Hi Dm, so glad you found a GA meeting to go to and that it was welcoming. Opening the door for more accountability with your husband is a good step too. If you are handling cash at all I would ban from any casinos you may access in a weak moment. It’s all about supporting our recovery using many different tools and barriers, such as bans, having someone else take care of finances, GA meetings, counseling and journaling here. You are doing great! I’m vacationing right now so I’ve been lazy with posting. Sorry about that. Glad to see others have been around a bit! Take care, Laura
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