[i_quit]

Hi everyone,

I am new here as I registered this morning. I have been reading many posts in this forum, it makes me cry as I understand now for real that I am not the only one in this world with a gambling problem. It’s good to find a place with peer support. And yes, I admit I have a real problem and I aim to quit gambling for now and ever.

I guess I started gambling about 15 years ago. It started with some coins and just for fun. It’s nice to win and not bad if I lose. I could afford losing few euro’s. After some years I start to increase the amount of money I wage for Sportsbet. Till the day I found online gambling sites (beforehand I just go to newspapers kiosk) and the hell started to loose. I spent a lot of money per day, did make big profits but lost it quickly in few hours. It became 24/7 issue in my life. Yes, I have been closing down my first account ever, after some weeks of breaks I manage to find a new site where I can gamble on sports. Far too many time I stopped and found a new one. I lost thousands and could make one bet on one sport game with the amount of my monthly wage. I knew I had a big problem some years ago, told this to my best friend and promised to stop. But it always return, and yesterday I closed two accounts. I guess I do not have access to more than 20 online gambling sites, but decided to join this group for support to make sure I won’t do this anymore.

The most painful thing is my family. I am married to a fantastic wife and we have 2 lovely small children. Every time I see them, I say to myself: stop now and use the money for my family. Yet, the demon of gambling sites always win. Today is day 2 I didn’t gamble, for the sake for my own mental and physical health but also for my lovely family. Too much have been wasted and now I intend to keep myself within recovery and for a long time because I know out of experience that recovery is not easy, especially when you try to do it on your own.

Thanks for letting me share this, and for your time to read this. It was hard to do so …

[Ryan86]

Hello

I know your pain. I realised the same thing about a week ago. I am now one week without gambling, something I thought I would never do. There is still a long way to go but each small step counts. Excluding myself from online sites and installing betfilter really helped to curb my urges. Also talking to my family about the problem. On top of that particippating in the online chat groups are a real help for making you know that you are not alone.

I hope any of this advice helps.

[Raynor98k]

Hi i_quit,

Well done on reaching out for help and admitting you have a problem. Not only admitting that there is a problem, but truly wanting to stop (I know you want to because you mentioned your wife and kids).

Since you are in a solid and clear mindset right now, I would advise you to start putting blockers in place. You mentioned online sites, so that would mean installing betfilter on all your devices (computer, phone, etc). It’s about $60 bucks for a year, but anything that can help you stop gambling is worth its weight in gold.

I would also suggest making a budget if you don’t already have one. I am terrible with money and finances (not all gambling related), and I find that the best way to break a bad habit is to replace it with a new good habit. This for me is in the form of a budget. The second you get paid, you have to immediately do something with that money. Paying rent, food, utilities and transportation come before everything else. Whatever you have left over, you need to make it as hard as possible to access that money. What I’ve been doing is a little extreme, but it has been working for me and is actually quite fun for me to manage money better. I have gotten rid of my debit card for the time being, and every week I go to the bank and withdraw my lunch/gas money for the week ~$100. I pay for everything with cash, and I keep $1000 emergency fund in the safe at my home in case I need money. This works because I have banned myself from every casino within 100 mile radius. If you haven’t self excluded from casinos/bookies around you, I HIGHLY recommend that you do this. You can leave your cards and cash at home, and spend a day going to ones near you. Go to security or the front desk and tell them you wish to exclude yourself. You will have to fill out some paper work and then bam, you’re done. I was nervous to do this, but found the people to be really nice and it is SOOOO awesome walking out of a place knowing you cannot go back there.

The problem for me (same as you) was the online sites. Taking away easy access to you bank account is a great barrier that I would recommend for anyone trying to recover.
The best advice though is to have someone else handle your finances (like your wife). I don’t know if you have told her about this problem, but if you haven’t, it may be something to consider. Even if you have a brother or sister you could reach out to, I think it would help tremendously.

Just a little motivation: you will get urges, but just know that this is normal. The more you are aware of the urges, and the more you talk about them with yourself, the less you will get in the future. The more you do not give into them, the more your brain will heal. We have a brain illness, but the cool thing is that the brain is constantly making connections and changing. The brain is remarkable at healing, and not giving into urges and being aware of them helps it heal. Next time you have an urge, acknowledge it and then play it out in your head. Say this, “I recognize this urge I am having, but I also know that if I put money on a site, I will lose it. It doesn’t matter if I hit a jackpot or win a big game, I will give it all back because the system is designed to do that. This is a false rush and will end in sadness and despair.” Once you start to relate these urges to negative feelings, they will become less powerful. Again, great job at reaching out. We are all fighting our own battles, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have allies ready to fight along side us.

–Nick

[i_quit]

Hi Ryan,

Thank you so much for your reaction, and I will never forget how it feels to read this very first message responding my problem. I am happy you have reached one week and I will follow. Today it’s my 3rd day, it is difficult but I have to cope with it and thanks to the peer support I have here and believe I will have more in near future. Thanks for the hint to join online chat groups, am not skilled yet with this page but will find a way how to join a session and talk with the others.

Thanks again!

[i_quit]

Hi,

Thanks a lot for your time to read my message and write a long message back, I truly appreciate this and it gives me more confidence such as :’yes, I can quit this.’. Indeed, family is so important for me and they are the reason number 1 why I HAVE TO stop now. I tried many times earlier, constantly failed so jumping into this forum is a good and first step.

Thank you for all the valuable advices and I will consider installing something that blocks my access to online sites. You mentioned the sum of 60 dollars, which program do you use? bet filter? As for the credit card, I indeed have to stop using it as well and will find out soon how to do so. Actually, I am good in keeping an eye on my budget and am not that kind of person who easily spend lots of money on other things. Just important daily issues I need such as good food, transport, bills and other stuff for wife and children. The only thing I cannot control my money is gambling. I had so many times where I see I only have little money left in my account, yet I use it to gamble like my head became so empty; I do it so quickly and once I deposited in my gambling account, I have done it and now I play. Once I lose it, I regret of course.

Today is my 3rd day I didn’t gamble. Urges to gamble are still there, especially on moments when I do the bets. I mainly play live bets that gives a lot of adrenals such as tennis; who will win this set or soccer; will there be more than 0,5 goals in the first half. Always in short time and checking the results live with the hope I am right. Do I win, I put all that winning money again for the next game. Do I lose, I make bigger bet to win the money back. It drives me crazy with lots of happiness to win big and lots of regrets/sadness to lose big in a short time.

One analogy I try to make is having a baby: it takes 9 months to give birth to a baby but any second you can lose it. It takes long to win money, but you can lose it very quickly. Perhaps not the right analogy but if anyone know a better one, inform me. Children are so valuable, money too but it is not the most important thing in my life.

Maybe a messy message, I am emotional at the moment after receiving two lovely messages from you and someone earlier.

Thanks again and I will consider your advices when my mind is on its clearest.

[Raynor98k]

Hi i_quit,

No problem, glad I could help another person who is struggling to find a solution. I believe the majority of people on here use betfilter to block gaming sites. It works really well. It is hidden and will only block gambling related sites (including sports betting). Just know that it cannot be uninstalled during your subscription (it shouldn’t be anyways).

One very important thing to understand to help you quit this bad habit is why do you do it? What motivates you to gamble? For me, its all about the excitement. If I’m bored, I start getting thoughts in my head about curling up on the couch with my laptop and putting some money on a site. This is usually late at night as well because it is done in secret. I’ve started to let myself know that anything that is done in secret (without good intent) is malicious. That’s when you know you have a problem. Boredom and staying up late are what I would call triggers for myself. It is important that you identify your triggers because you can put blockers in place around those triggers and try to avoid them all together. If I get bored now, I will say things to myself such as, “I know I’m bored, so I may get an urge to gamble, but I will not jeopardize my relationship or saving up for a house because of this. I want to (insert goal here), and gambling will take me further away from those goals.” Once you start to connect the dots like this with your self talk, it becomes a lot easier. For you, I imagine your family is the most important thing to you. You could say something like, “I understand I am having an urge to place a bet, but I also understand that if I place this bet (win or lose), it will hurt my family. I do not want to hurt my family. Me and my family win when I don’t place a bet, and the casino loses. That’s a good feeling.” Something like that, it could be anything, but you have to tailor your self talk to you scenario. I want a house someday which is why I threw in my talk about saving for a house. I also love my girlfriend and want a healthy relationship with her. I could even throw in “If I place money on this site, I am betraying my girlfriends trust. I am going behind her back to gamble.”

Just be honest with yourself, play out the scenario in your head, and you will do fine. Stay strong

–Nick

[i_quit]

Hi,

Thanks a lot for your another good advice. I indeed have to chance my way of thinking and will try to remind myself on your advice. When gambling the past years I actually am talking to myself all the time like there is an angel me and a devil me; the angel saying don’t do it and think of your family while the devil says: one more time, it can hurt. Devil always win but now it is the angle who is at the winning hand, and I hope for a very long time.

And yes, I’ll be honest with myself. The reason why I do sports live bets are just adrenaline and especially winning lots of money very fast.

[i_quit]

Hi everyone,

It is now my 5th day I didn’t gamble, and I hope for many more days / weeks / months / years to come. I am so grateful for some people replying on my messages here but I was wondering if professionals will comment or advice somehow? Or how does it work here?

A question: my best friend, whom I have told I am joining this online forum, asked me whether it is not risky to be on this online form as online sites is the place that troubles me i.e. gambling. I truly want to stop forever this time. I stopped many times but always came back gambling online; but now it is over and out.

[velvet]

Hi I_quit
The number one reason, I believe, that you have to quit is for ‘you’ because if you are not functioning happily your family will suffer.
I say the same to Friends and Family, we are all the same; we are human and recovery often has to be selfish but I don’t see it as pure selfishness – if we look after ourselves first, put our own house in order, then we are not impotent when it comes to supporting those we love.
Nick suggested allowing your wife to handle the finances and this is a common for gamblers to do, at least in early recovery. Some gamblers feel that getting someone else to handle their finances is asking to be treated as a child but in my experience it is recognition of the depth of a very real problem. It is certainly one of the first things that happens in rehab and that is because it works.
Your introduction to gambling is also common – if you had known what placing a bet would do you would never have done it. Your addiction is not your fault and there is no shame in owning it – but recognising that it will destroy you and those you love and then doing something about it is mind-building. Taking a dreadful experience and turning it into something good is fantastic – I know because I have seen it.
You are doing well
Velvet

[i_quit]

Hi Velvet,

Thanks for your reaction and especially the thing about selfishness, indeed, I say to myself many times I will stop for my wife and my little children but in fact; I should stop first form myself and this will result into something good for my family. Thanks for that.

About wife handling my finances, I have to admit it is painfully hard to tell her about this issue. I know it will help, yet, I don’t think I can do it at the moment. Maybe I need some time, to prepare and tell her. More than 20 accounts has been blocked, and it seems, for the moment, I do not have any access to another site due to the country I live in now.

However today is day 5. I do not feel urges to gamble because I do not have lots of money at the moment. I admit I am a little afraid when I start saving money due to gamble break but am seeking information at the moment on how to make restrictions with bank card or NO use of the card at all, like passing it to my wife and live with cash only.

Still confusing, but it takes time and I am pretty sure it will be ok one day. I must. By the way, do you think this therapy online will be good support or should I talk with professional face to face?

[velvet]

Hi I_quit
am a great believer in taking all the support you can get and mixing this on-line therapy with face-to-face help is great.
Please continue to use our groups, Helpline and forum regardless of any other support you seek.
Your wife is welcome to pop in to our Friends and Family support group when you are ready to tell her – I would be delighted to help her understand how she can best support you in your early recovery, in preparation for an amazing life.
Velvet

[i_quit]

Thanks Velvet, I also believe it now and will try to seek help anywhere. Online forum here did help me one way or another but I am also telling emotions, experiences, thoughts to my best friend who is a great listener. Thanks!

[i_quit]

Today is 8th day I didn’t gamble and am in therapy here. The past weekend I had great fun with my lovely little children. All the time I normally spend on gambling was filled with time with my children and wife. We did cook together, baked delicious buns, watch movies together and all those. time my iPhone was far from my hands. I am grateful for those 8 days of no gambling and will remind myself that it is nicer to live without gambling.

Of course, the fear is still there to return one day. Now I have little money and every time this thought occur: what if I see that my account has money again, so I can play again. But I have to be strong and say no to myself. I made restrictions n my bank card, am informing the bank on how to make new savings so I can save money every week / month and not able to use if for specific reasons.

One week done, looking forward to one more week!

[i_quit]

It feels strange, like a rollercoaster in my mind and emotionally. Day 15, what a long way to reach this day but I must continue staying away from live betting though it is not simple as I am online most of the time for work and social contacts.

I am not sure where most of the people here come from but anyone fancy a chat?

[Raynor98k]

Hi i_quit,

Thought I’d stop by and give you some words of encouragement. I have been gamble free for almost a month now, and during this time I only had one urge to gamble (a few days ago). The urge was brought on by one of my triggers: staying up late. I wasn’t tired, so I decided to stay up and watch a movie, but then I started to get these ideas in my head. I immediately recognized them and started talking to myself, reminding myself that I am not acting on impulse anymore to anything. So I talked about it. I said to myself, “I see I am having this urge to gamble, but I know what will happen if I put money on a site. I will lose my money, but more importantly, I will be going behind my families back. I also am saving for a house, and losing this money will put me further behind that goal.” I said this and then came to this site to write a response post to a thread. After I made the decision to come on here and write a post, the urge just dissipated. It was a reminder that I was recovering, and having urges is part of that process. The more you deny these feelings, the weaker they become.

It’s great that you are recognizing your thoughts. Next time you feel out of wack or in a funk, I would suggest taking a 10 minute walk just to clear your head. If not that, then some other activity that allows you to not act on impulse. My plan for any urge moving forward is:

– Acknowledge it
– Talk about it/play it out in your head (including outcome)
– Do something else (recommend walk or post on here)

You’ll start to get really good at recognizing your thoughts, and it will start to become easier.

A few more things I recommend if you are not already is to start exercising and eating better. I know these two were never a high priority for me, but the more I think about my health, the more it gets me fired up to just go on a bike for 30 minutes after work or something simple. Eating healthy is also super important, especially to help the brain recover. I would recommend taking Omega-3 supplements (same oils found in fish). This is pretty much brain food and will keep you feeling sharp.

Also, I’d love to chat sometime, but I haven’t even used this chat feature (I’d like to though). I am in California, and it is 8:20am here now. I am mostly available in the evenings (7-10) or early in the morning (7:30am-now). Let me know if you want to set something up. Keep going, you’re doing great.

–Nick

[i_quit]

Dear Nick,

Thanks a lot for taking your time to read and respond my message, and congratulations for reaching one month. I am pretty sure I will keep your valuable advices very well in my mind if I happen to have urges or triggers.

You are right, I use to keep an eye on what I eat and do lots of sports but the past years I didn’t do well with that. There is clearly a relationships between taking care of my self (eating well/healthy, doing sport, no smoking) and gambling that takes all my time and energy. I decided myself that I will try to decrease the amount of cigarettes per day I smoke, start doing sport more often and keep an eye on what I eat. I am very tired every day, even after leaving the world of gambling. But I try to remind myself that I have done an important step: getting away from gambling after too many years. The next step is focus on my own body and take care of myself.

I also thought just to leave the house and go for a walk when I feel triggering coming up. Also writing a post here and that’s why I wrote something short in my last post; I felt the urge to write something here.

As for the chat, I guess it will be very difficult because I am here in Northern Europe and the time difference is very big between your location and mine; but thanks for the offer.

And by the way, today is day 17 and I a proud of it.

[i-did-it]

Well done IQ
U are making great progress in your recovery. The chats are at very bad times for the uk and Ireland too.
Exercise is a great idea – take the body and the mind will follow.
It is good that you have a good friend to listen to you and encourage you
Keep strong – you are doing great

[i_quit]

Thanks, and I keep trying my best. Feeling actually great today as it is 18th day, and look forward to skiing holiday with my family starting this weekend.

[i-did-it]

I am on holiday in Scandinavia right now – it is so cold !!
These are the great things about not gambling. We can enjoy stuff with family without the horrible counting of money going on in our heads !
Well done on 18 days !

[i_quit]

Hi, enjoy your holiday in Scandinavia. I also have a blast here up north with my lovely family and our children are enjoying the cold and lots of snow. It is much needed, I focus solely on that and you’re right, there was no counting in my head.

Today it is day 22 for me and I feel good. Debt still troubles me but I keep going on because I know that if I keep this pace, my debts will be paid off in few months and I will save well for myself and of course my family.

Take care!

[i-did-it]

Great post Iquit
Nothing quite beats a family holiday and the debts will get repaid .
22 days is fabulous . I think I read you have betfilter – doesn’t it solve such a lot of problems .
It is great to have some head space from the constant call of the beast .

Well done and keep going – you deserve a great life

[i_quit]

All I can say: you too and thanks! 🙂

[i_quit]

Hi all,

I just returned home from holiday, my wife is at work and children are at day care. I am trying to find rhythm in my work at home and I actually feel good. Today is day 29th, I feel much fitter and my mind is calmer. It really takes lots of time but I am giving it a real chance this time. Of course the debt is still in my head, but I’ll be patient and try to pay off it. Once it is paid, the strength is needed to keep away from gambling. As for smoking, I didn’t smoke for 4 days and decided this is a new quitting issue after gambling.

[i_quit]

I just reached one full month, feeling good. Thought to mention this shortly here.

[Author]

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