After reading some stories on here I almost feel like my story is a joke but i understand demons and i think i might have just met a new one. Basically from 2017 to now i have lost absolutely everything.. lost my job, my best friend to a freak accident, the love of my life, my passion in life, and my childhood home all before the pandemic hit. I have been a drug abuser and binge drinker for a good decade id say. I am a 29 year old male, single, borderline poor, out of shape, lazy, and an idiotic excuse for a human being. I am currently working full time but with the job being remote I have more time to balance my addictions. Im the type of addict that a sober person couldnt tell is fucked up even if i was talking to them face to face in a quiet room which is truthfully my downfall… my ability to keep my demons hidden is the part of the full that keeps them with me but i think i have just met one that will grow to be unhide-able. I started playing blackjack online in July of this year. It start off with a simple $25 buy in that i was able to flip to $3,600 in an hour 15. I proceeded to lose it all in 4 hours. I understand my gambling amount is absolute peanuts to others on here but i have since done this 2 other times with higher buy ins and higher payouts that all resulted in being gone in 24 hours. No matter if i hit the number im trying to get to.. i just refuse to leave the table. I left the table one time and was back within 3 hours thinking the odds will remain in my favor only to end up on the floor in the fetal position trying to collect my breathing. Basically for someone who clearly understands addiction and how to keep them in my life i am afraid i will do the same with gambling and will collapse under the losses down the road. All i am looking for is some advice from someone who is in much much deeper than myself at this point into this hell and that is willing to tell me what they wish they were told/would actually take it to heart 2 months into the addiction. I have read some similar stories and some great responses here and just needed to voice the storm that i believe is brewing in my future. I am trying to save myself i guess. Its only been 2 months but man do i get why the high is so tragically chased. Any advice or tips/tricks i should be doing/ telling myself internally before this bottomless pit opens up? Hope all is well out there everyone..thank you