Figured now might be the time to do this before it gets any worse. To keep a long story short, basically from the end of 2017 to present day my life has been a personal hell. Lost my job, best friend to a freak death, the love of my life, my passion in life, and my childhood home. Throughout all of this I have abused drugs and alch both to cope and because I’m simply an addict now and I guess as fucked up as it sounds…I just don’t want to live sober in this world anymore. Recently in July I discovered online blackjack and am terrified that I just started something that’s gunna be the death of me. My first initial buy in online was a mere $75. Within about an hour and 45 minutes I flipped it to $3,6000. I understand that that is absolutely pocket change for most in terms of gambling $ but essentially I proceed to gamble for an additional 8 hours and finally lost it all. Since that time I have managed to do this 2 other times but with higher buy ins and higher losses. Each time I have hit the number I said I wanted to and promised to call it but each time I find myself burning my credit and debit trying to get back what I stupidly lost. The pain is absolutely excruciating but I find no problem forgetting it once I’m back on the table. I’m sure this story has been told countless times but essentially I want help to stop what I know what’s coming. When your an addict you understand what your demons want and you will feed them because you have to. I want to stop this new demon at my door. I know what’s coming but I don’t care to stop it. Those 3 peaks Iv had in 2 months are feeding the valleys Iv been in and keeping me on the trail wanting to climb more. Essentially I would like some help in preventing another crippling addiction. I’d love to hear what others who had it way worse and are deeper down the trail would want to be told if they were 2 months into the addiction. What might have clicked if you were told at my point and prevented utter self annihilation? I’m a 29, single, nearly broke, out of shape addict who can’t get out of his own way whose trying to use gambling as a ticket to money and some happiness. Any words of wisdom or regret is fully appreciated…thanks guys.