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I have been worth my husband for about 13 years now. I found out about 10 years ago that he has a gambling problem. It has been getting exponentially worse as the years pass. The relapses are becoming much more significant. In this past year he has gambled away around $45,000.
Every time he relapses he admits he has a problem and says he had hit rock bottom. Each time we try and work through it and find new ways to try and handle it and he swears “this time is the last”.
This is the first time I have actually said it out loud to him but I told him that our relationship was over and because there is no trust, and he keeps putting myself and our two small children in jeopardy.
I feel stupid for letting this happen so many times and still staying with him, but I don’t have the guts to actually kick him out and watch him struggle.
What do I do???
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Hi Ashley
First and foremost, you are not stupid, there are no guidebooks handed out to married couples telling them how to cope if the addiction to gamble comes into their lives – it is not something one could be expected to know about; it is certainly not something that either of you asked for or wanted.
You write that each time he slips, he admits that he has a problem but you don’t say what he does about it. This time you have done something different by coming here for support but what is he doing that is different?
I have never heard of an addicted gambler changing his life for good without support. There is no reason for him to try and go it alone when there is so much help to be found. Promising that ‘this time will be the last’ is what he wants to believe but they are just words.
What do ‘you’ really want? Do you want to kick him out? I will never suggest that you kick him out or ask him to stay but what I hope to do is to give you knowledge of his addiction so that you can make an informed decision that is right for you, for your children and ultimately for your husband.
Time has sneaked up on me tonight but I will write again tomorrow, I wanted to get a reply off to you so that you know you are being heard and understood.
I know that your husband can control his gambling and be the husband you want him to be and equally important, I know he can be the man he wants to be. If I didn’t know this I wouldn’t be here.I will post again soon but in the meantime, I hope it helps to know that everything you have said is understood.
Velvet
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I have an addiction as your husband. My problem was that I always thought I can handle it myself and actually never tell my partner about my problem until my rock bottom. He is really supportive just like you and I appreciate him for that. Addiction is something that need to be work on. You can not just say that this is it. I am done. The addiction will never leave you and you need to learn how to control it. He has to work on it. Has he done everything he can to get better? Counseling , treatment? Is he still taking care of his own financial?
At the end of the day , His feeling is not matter. Even though I have a sympathy for him as I am also suffering from my own addiction but If I kept failing and disappointing my partner and my family especially my kids future. I understand if my partner wants to leave me and protect our children from me and my addiction.
The question is What do you want? How do you feel? Do what is best for YOU and your children. Sure , He has problem and you stood by him. If he is still can not do or be better. You must do what is best for you.
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