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Ugh. This is hard to write. I feel stupid and ashamed.
I was addicted to the online casinos [blackjack, slots, etc.]. I must’ve lost about 20 K in the span of a year on there.
I finally decided to self excude from online casinos, and that was a step in the direction.
Well, about 2 months passed without any gambling. Then, about 3 months ago, I decided to buy a scratch off ticket. I won $500 on my very first $30 ticket purhcased, and felt on top of the world! Gosh how I wish it was just a loser!
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Since then I have spent close to another 5 K on tickets, sometimes buying entire books of tickets at a time, trying to hunt down the big prize. To think I spent all those years walking past the ticket machines without purchasing…..
This morning I won another $500 prize. I told myself I was going to deposit $400 and only spend $100 more on tickets.
Welp, I lost all $500 chasing down my losses on the $100. It goes very quick with 20-30 tickets.Between the casinos and tickets I lost about 25k. I think about hos crazy I would go if I won 25k on a ticket, and then realize that’s about how much I’ve lost in
about a year and a half. It makes me sick. That was a little less than half my savings, and I can’t lose another dime to this stupid, stupidi habit.Unfortunately I can’t self-exclude from scratch tickets, but I am ready to start seeing my bank account trend in the positive. I can’t afford this after working so hard to save…….
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Since then I have spent close to another 5 K on tickets, sometimes buying entire books of tickets at a time, trying to hunt down the big prize. To think I spent all those years walking past the ticket machines without purchasing…..
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The problem most of us have is in making the first bet. That is what leads to us buying more tickets, doing more spins, betting more, etc. We lose on our very first spin/ticket, even if we win.
I found with myself and most cg’s on here that it didn’t matter if I won or lost. If I won, I’d go chasing that high. If I lost, I’d go chasing the loss. Either way I was losing.
Please be kind to yourself during this time and know that when we think we can do “just one more” or “just this one time” that is not true.
If we have a gambling problem, we can’t gamble at all. -
You lost $20,000 on online betting, now a further $5,000 on scratch cards. You now know that ALL types of betting are not for you – you are compulsive and unable to control this.
You will need to think in the same way as a non-gambler … that ALL forms of gambling are not for you in the same way as some-one with a peanut allergy avoids it in all foods. That will mean giving up the dream of the big win, but life goes on.
Although you can’t self exclude – you can do other things to minimize your acting out on the urge to gamble. Carry as little money as possible – if you can, hand over your finances to a trusted loved one. Get as much support as possible from a counselor or self help group like GA. Find an alternative way of using your leisure time that does not involve gambling in any shape or form.
You still have some savings, you are not in debt or crisis. Don’t wait until you reach those “rock bottoms” do something about your behaviour now and enjoy the life you deserve. I wish you well.
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