Hi all! Here’s my story…I am 45 years old and a single parent of three. I started gambling in 2004 (wow 15 years ago!) on my 2nd trip to Vegas. I remember being a wife that was perfectly happy watching my husband gamble. He was what I consider a controlled gambler; he set limits he stuck to. I didn’t even have the urge to want to gamble…but on that 2nd trip I guess I got bored and was curious. I walked over to a flaming 777s $1 slot machine and after a few minutes, won $200. I was so excited, I cashed out and immediately shared the news with my hubby. We enjoyed a nice evening on those winnings. The next day, I went back to that machine and won another $100, cashed out and decided to watch people play blackjack.

I grew up playing all sorts of card games. My parents would host parties with some “gaming” activities. I even went with my mom regularly to her bingo nights. She too was a controlled gambler, but an extremely lucky one I would say. She had her $20-$50 limit and mostly won, til this day. When she had a mini losing streak, she knew to cut it back and refrained from gambling.

Back to blackjack on that 2nd Vegas trip… little did I know the difference between a friendly table and a hard core gambler’s table, but I found a friendly table to watch. Those friendly people told me I could join their table even after I told them I had never actually gambled on a table game before. I knew the game and got the betting down in no time…and yes, I won close to $500 that night. I remember stacking my red chips and making a pyramid formation. I got super excited when I won a green chip and cashed out with black chips in hand! That was such a great Vegas trip and I fell in love with the place. To this day, I love Las Vegas!

Fast forward over the years, which included a divorce, a long-term relationship with another gambler, winning steaks, losing streaks, stopped child support, tax debt, breakup with gambler, lost dual income in household, car repossession, eviction, Dad’s sudden illness/Dad’s unexpected death, oldest decided to get married, all the while I inherited Dad’s financial responsibility for my mom’s household, sister taken to a psych ward, personal nervous breakdown, huge winning streak, high blood pressure, heart palpitations, huge losing streak and now my 21-year career is on the line because of my inability to fulfill my financial obligations in a timely manner.

That’s the “slap in the face, get it together or you’re done” moment. I didn’t know why i didn’t stop when i knew my kids and my family were affected. I didn’t know why I didn’t stop when a trip to the nearest casino was over an hour away. I didn’t know why I didn’t stop when I went into the bathroom rummaging through my purse for any money and banging my head with my hand after realizing how much I lost, just that night. I didn’t know why i didn’t stop when I’d transfer funds that i knew i most likely would lose, and did lose. Deep down I knew, like we all do… it’s in the chase. “I can win it all back, then I promise to stop”. But now, I have to answer for my actions or I will lose my job; the career I’ve worked so hard in and have no savings to show for.

I had to tell my kids, because my work schedule changed dramatically and i would be receiving a significant pay cut. That was a humbling experience. I had to take a good look in the mirror and tell myself I have to stop. So I have. It’s been only 1 month and 19 days but it feels like a victory. I put my debt on paper and already paid back over $1000. That’s $1000 I definitely would’ve gambled. I’ve been in behavioral therapy for over a month and been on the GT forums. I find these outlets necessary and extremely helpful.

It helps me to tell this story. I was hesitant to post this. I’ve never been so candid especially when it comes to my gambling. It also helps me to read your journals. I hope to help others too. I know this will never be over, but I do know I’m in the driver’s seat. So I hope to take a better path in the long run. Best wishes to all!