Hello everyone,

My name is Boris i’m currently 21 years old 22 soon, I have never wrote my story down before while i’ve been camping with this addiction for about 5 years now so I figured why not?

I grew up with divorced parents so I was usually alone at home for quite some hours, I used my time to play alot of video games and turned this into my work when I was 15.
I used to play a game called counter strike when I was 15 that introduced me to gambling you could purchases in-game items and websites offered a gambling system which I got hooked to.
Pretty much blew 40k (all my savings) into these virtual items and gambled it all away not even sure if this website was legit at all, once I turned 18 I was legal to go to the local casino which left me some bad bad memories.
In the beginning i’d go with friends but after a while I would go to the casino (Holland casino) on my own entering at 2 PM and leaving at 3 AM (closing time) and didnt even have money to go back home so I would sleep
somewhere outside untill it was 6 am and the trains started working again pretty messed up it left me with some scars thats for sure, only recently I came out of this cycle of losing my money every week.
I have had moments where I wanted to commit suicide over this but I always stepped over it, also had moments where I would talk to myself like today is the last time i’m going to gamble and that same day id be gambling again.
I’m happy I didnt lose my girlfriend over this sick sick addiction because my addiction definently affected things like holidays etc..

If I can give everyone a tip just dont start no small gamble not even a cent! once you start your whole wallet will go eventually when I dont gamble im so much stronger in my decissions then once I have started to gamble.

I have now downloaded gamban on my computer and phone because internet gambling was my main problem, the real casino I would only go to if I hit big on the internet and I had money to blow,
in these 5 years of hell I have managed to maybe quit for 1 or 2 days but then I would start again because i’d think oh just a $10 gamble it can’t hurt and before you know it i’m in for over $5000.

I think banning gambling on the internet has been the first step to me becoming stronger because I have not touched any sorts of gambling for 2 months now I still don’t think I am fully recovered but I can say i’m feeling stronger
and starting to enjoy life again.

Recently I have been having alot of dreams of gambling tho, I wake up with a relief because I know I haven’t fucked up yet sometimes I read about people with the same addiction that have quit for over a year and then relapse,
it makes me scared and think the same thing will happen to me but at the same time I really really REALLY don’t want to gamble because I am already in 2 months why would I gave up that 2 months just for 1 gamble that will set me back to day 1.

Anyways that’s it for now if you relate to some of my things please know you can learn to live with this addiction please don’t waste your whole live on this dirty addiction.

Feeling strong about my decissions I have had moments where I could have gambled but haven’t because I don’t want dirty gambling money anyways, I know I will enjoy a sit at the blackjack table but I love certain people so I won’t start
and come back in this cycle of depression.

Thank you for your time,

Boris