Eventually Reaching Out... - Gambling Therapy

This topic has 6 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 6 months ago by Ky.dunn.

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- 24 July 2019 at 12:13 pm #51743
  
  Ky.dunn
  Participant
  
  Hi all,
  
  I first came across this forum approximately a year ago, and read a couple of longer threads of people that had stories that resonated with me. I considered posting at the time to get some thoughts off my chest, but for one reason or another I didn’t.
  
  I have gambled on and off (mainly on) since I was 18 at Uni, and I am now in my late 20’s.
  
  A vast majority of my gambling has always been on sports – primarily football. Whilst I occasionally attend horse racing or casinos, I don’t think I have a problem in these settings as I very much bet as we should – for fun only. I don’t have enough understanding about either to really back my decisions, and always stop when the money in my ‘Stake’ pocket runs out. In most cases, there will be enough in my ‘Winnings’ pocket to break even. When betting on football online though, I chase losses in a terrible way. It is by far my worst trait when it comes to gambling. I often tend to win the first bet, maybe even the first couple, but really struggle to walk away with profit.
  
  At this stage, I have enough to pay bills between now and payday next week. I can also afford spending money for our holiday next month, and have money set aside to have the bathroom done in September. I also have a tub of cash in the house that now contains a couple of hundred pounds. I intend to use this as a deposit for an engagement ring. All in all, I know this doesn’t sound terrible compared to some of the stories I have read on here, but long term debt is still causing me a degree of worry.
  
  I recently took a personal loan that was primarily needed to replace our combined savings for the bathroom – which I lost gambling. I made one wise decision in obtaining a loan amount high enough to clear credit cards and overdraft as well, so I no longer have charges for them. However, I also asked for an additional amount on top of what I actually needed, with the faint hope of using it to gamble and clear a chunk of the loan within a week. You can guess the outcome. Most importantly, my girlfriend doesn’t know about the loan, nor the loss of the original amount.
  
  Prior to losing the money that was set aside for the bathroom, I hadn’t gambled for approximately 6 months. It slowly started creeping back in from May to now, culminating in me requiring a bank loan to dig myself out. Again.
  
  As it stands, i am not in a terrible position, but I fear that I am on a self-destructive path which I won’t leave until I hit rock bottom. I still have a feeling that I will gamble at some point soon to make back those recent losses.
  
  Apologies for rambling on a bit, but there are a lot of things I wanted to get off my chest, and would welcome any advice as I know there is a lot out there on this site!
  
  Thanks for reading.
  
  Kyle
- 24 July 2019 at 3:23 pm #51744
  
  Steev
  Participant
  
  which is … do you think you are a problem gambler? Do you think your gambling is compulsive and is ruining your life?
  
  You say you can control some types of gambling. You also said that you have been gamble free for 6 months (well done for that,) but was that all gambling or just the football on-line stuff? I think it is important because if you stop one type of gambling – how do you know you are not going to become compulsive elsewhere? What would your girlfriend say if she finds out you are in debt from gambling AND that you are still gambling. You might argue that it is a different type of gambling but I can guarantee she will not see it that way.
  
  So, if you feel you have a gambling problem – then the answers as to what to do about it are here in the forum and on other parts of the site. Or do you want to see if you can continue and to see what your rock bottom is, possibly getting much deeper into debt and losing a lot of the things which are important to you including your relationship.
  
  We don’t NEED gambling in our lives. Even “soft” gambling like doing the lottery or taking part in a raffle – may seem like harmless fun – but we can choose to take a stand and say no to them … and what difference will it make to us? Virtually none at all. Okay we will have to give up the idea of the big win – but that is all it was, an idea. Your job, your house, your relationship are all real – not ideas. Don’t put them at risk for the sake of keeping your hand in. Make a decision now.
- 24 July 2019 at 4:46 pm #51745
  
  dunc
  Participant
  
  Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
  
  Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
  
  Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
  
  As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
  
  And on that note….
  
  I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
  
  Take care
  
  The Gambling Therapy Team
  
  PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
- 25 July 2019 at 11:46 am #51746
  
  Ky.dunn
  Participant
  
  Hi Steev,
  
  First of all, thanks for your response and you make some very fair comments! I’ll try to answer them in order…
  
  I think I am a problem gambler, yes. Not sure on compulsive, but I probably am at times. RE ruining your life, not entirely. I think I am definitely capable of ruining my life through gambling, which is probably my main worry!
  
  The 6 months was without any gambling at all. It has crossed my mind that the addiction could easily be shifted to a different form of gambling, but think I struggle with handing over money in cash, whereas online it is all too easy to add a zero or two and click deposit.
  
  “What would your girlfriend say if she finds out you are in debt from gambling and are still gambling?” Very good point. She is very black or white in her viewpoint on most matters, and absolutely would not understand it, nor see any difference.
  
  Your point about giving up the idea of the ‘big win’ was actually something that helped me hugely when I stopped before. The goal has always been to win big, but I asked myself the following – “If you haven’t won big in the last ten years of trying, why would you manage it this time?”
  
  Thanks again Steev.
- 26 July 2019 at 2:45 pm #51747
  
  Ky.dunn
  Participant
  
  Going quite well so far. No mad urge to gamble despite having money available (though not by any stretch disposable income!). Doing a lot of reading on this forum, which in some way is helping my worry over longer term finances to subside.
  
  Keep reminding myself that – as I said in my original post – I am in a better position now than I have been in the past, as I have money to tide me over in the short term. I am lucky that I had the sense to reduce credit card limits to a very small amount, and both have no balance. On the back of that, all my lending is in one place which I know I can easily manage. In the past it has caused me a lot of worry trying to balance bank loan, family loans, credit cards and an overdraft.
  
  I have a quiet weekend ahead with nothing planned, other than keeping myself busy with jobs that have been neglected around the house, and gardening if the weather allows!
  
  So far, so good.
- 26 July 2019 at 3:40 pm #51748
  Meghna83
  Participant
  Hello,
  
  Well done for reaching out on this forum
  
  I am not sure if you are acknowledging that you have a gambling problem or actually summing up ‘wins’ and losses and considering whether you actually have a gambling problem and have lost a lot (compared to other people)
  
  You wrote:
  
  “All in all, I know this doesn’t sound terrible compared to some of the stories I have read on here, but long term debt is still causing me a degree of worry.“
  
  I think the first step is to admit to ourselves that we have a problem and make a decision to stop
  
  The fact that you are on this forum tells me that you do feel you have a gambling problem. You lost more money to gambling than you can afford. That is why you wrote
  
  “I recently took a personal loan that was primarily needed to replace our combined savings for the bathroom – which I lost gambling.”
  
  I find making statements about the damage gambling has done and my actions to remedy my situation , like “I will never gamble again as it is destructive” or “I cannot afford to gamble and lose money” helps me admit that my actions were wrong for me and Reinforce the idea that gambling damaged my life in many ways .
  
  I think comparing how much i have lost to others doesn’t help me. I lost more than I could afford and that is what has ultimately made me say “no more” and “ I am a problem gambler and so I will never gamble again!”
  
  You wrmore:
  
  “As it stands, i am not in a terrible position, but I fear that I am on a self-destructive path which I won’t leave until I hit rock bottom. I still have a feeling that I will gamble at some point soon to make back those recent losses.”
  
  In a way you are in a bad position as you are contemplating gambling again to recoup losses. Believe me if you do, you will end up losing so much more in short space of time. Please accept the losses. if you say to yourself “ I think i will gamble again…” then you will End up gambling. Allowing those thoughts into our minds, keeping the door open will most probably lead to more gambling and more damage.
  
  I lost thousands in minutes and I am not in debt and still have a healthy bank balance. But I was in big trouble and in danger of losing every penny I had As well as my own health and sanity. I am still in recovery and do not take my GF days for granted. I still come on here as much as I can and know that I am always vulnerable to this destructive activity.
  
  please say to yourself, I hVe lost more than I could afford to lose and I will never let gambling take A penny more. You and I deserve to be free of its toxic consequences
- 5 August 2019 at 12:52 pm #51749
  
  Ky.dunn
  Participant
  
  Thanks for your message Meghna, very thought provoking points.
  I am feeling better about myself everyday, and also about the longer term outlook.
  
  Starting to see the benefits of my time being put to better use as well. Both at work and at home. Spending more time doing things I enjoy, as well as those tasks which have been neglected in recent months.
  
  Just need to keep plugging away.
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