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Good morning,
I’m not a native english speaker but i’ll try my best 😉
I’ll keep it short otherwise I could type a book here.
I started gambling when I was 18, with roulette/blackjack and (online)poker and I’m 30 now, I started with a big loss (around 1k in euro) in roulette when I was 18 and I was literally sick of it and thought too myself never again but within a few months I was at it again.
I have had heavy gambling swings up and down.
Anyway, last month I had some good results in online poker and online blackjack but managed to lose a lot of my winnings and it made me really sick.
I started on this online poker site about 8 months ago and lost 1500 euro uptil now. (although like I said I’ve been playing online poker for over 12 years) and lost 1500 euro uptil now on this site since 8 months ago when I registered there.
In June I had some decent scores, week 1 of June I made $800 and withdrawed $500 (after losing $300 back to computerblackjack) but to be fair most of the $800 was from blackjack wins anyway.
Week 2 of June I made $1050 with computerblackjack with a $50 deposit and again I managed to lose $550 from that but did withdraw $500 again.
a couple of days ago I won $1000 in a poker tournament after a $80 or $90 deposit, 1 day later I made another $400 with blackjack, I withdrawed $550 and the money is already in my bankaccount.
I withdrawed another $500 from my winnings and wanted to play blackjack today (with my remaining $400)
I felt invincible, because everytime I played blackjack I was winning, but I lost the $400 I had left and I was stupid enough to cancel the withdrawal of $500, so I lost $900 from my last winnings, add up the $550 and $300 from earlier this month and I lost $1750 of my winnings.
Luckily I still withdrawed about $1300 back to my bank, so my loss over the last 8 months is now about $350/300 instead of -$1600, much better ofcourse and I don’t want to make a drama out of it, because ofcourse it could be much much worse.
But I get the feeling that losing this $1750 was so unnecesary and I have a serious blackjack problem (lost about 10k or something with online blackjack in my life).
I feel a little bit depressed because I also told people I made $3000 with blackjack/poker, bragging how lucky I was but now I have only $1300 left and I feel like the $1700 was my own money, I don’t know.
I keep telling myself that I’m a stupid loser for losing my winnings when I told myself to NOT cancel withdraws but when I play blackjack I can’t makes promises with myself, it’s impossible, I keep raising my bets from 20 to 50 to 100 to 200, like I’m a rich guy (which I’m not)Thanks for reading and I don’t want to make a huge drama of it but I feel bad about me losing my winnings :/
I’m thinking of quiting gambling for good, because I can’t preserve my winnings, it’s always the same.
Have a nice day y’all. -
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
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I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
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Reading your post reminds me of how big the magnitude this addiction can become. I used to get so upset losing 100,500,1000$ gambling. My latest binge I lost about 17k in 48 hours, putting me in debt, 10k was off a line of credit. 6k was savings, 1000 was cash advance off a credit card. I’ve been gambling for 10 years on and off. And trust me, I was once where you are right now, consider yourself LUCKY . That you lost WINNINGS. If you keep gambling , 1000$ will feel like losing 100$, then losing 10k will feel like losing 1k. There is no bottom to this addiction. I never thought I would put myself in this position. It can get worse, way worse, and when toy thin I you’ve hit the bottom, you can get to more of a bottom. And I beg you to not let it get there. I wish I can turn back to where you are right now. I’m 29, I’m slowing paying off my gambling debts , I used to always have lots of money saved up. I chased a 3k loss that turned into 17k in 48 hour period. please ban yourself from all casinos, online, however you gamble, this will ruin your life, your relationships, your happiness. It will strip you of your well being. I’m sure you can hear the pain. Through this post, I think about the losses daily, please quit while you are at this point, I don’t want you to feel this feeling and have to experience how evil this is…. try gambling anonymous, therapy, try anything and everything before it’s too late, before you start using the banks money to gambleC before your life is over.. I wish you the best, it’s never too late to quit.. I hope you do this for yourself. God bless
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