- This topic has 8 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 9 months ago by Lydian90.
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8 May 2019 at 2:10 pm #50568Lydian90Participant
Today is the best day. I’ve accepted that I’m always going to lose if I gamble and I’ll lose everything if I keep doing it.
Im 28 and have been compulsively gambling for 12 years.
Today I realise I cannot win, and even if I do temporarily, I still lose. This is a great feeling now, because I finally accept it.
I have a loving family and a chance for a good life with things that I love, oppurtunities and aspirations. And today I’ve decided I’m not going to squander this anymore. I’m going to be a better person and do it for them and for me.
im happy now because I know that I’m not going to lose another penny gambling anymore. I’ve had my last bet, and I’m going to post in here as frequently as I can, everyday mostly as a reminder of what I’m doing and what I’m never doing. I’m going to pay back the money I owe, keep working and live an honest life now. This is th best gift I can give to myself and the people around me.
EVERY single time I have gambled I have always always lost. I’ve never drawn it and bought something I want or like. I go through the same pattern of giving it back and some more.
I am never going to win. I am NEVER going to win.
Ive accepted now that this is a thousand percent, an illness and a compulsion, one that can and will strip everything from me If I do not stop now. And i am. I am sick in a way, and I’ve left myself with just enough to get by now until work. And I will get by on that. And I will do my upmost to maintain this. One of which will involve me writing in this journal as much as I can. It’s a small amount of time that serves as a reminder to me that I cannot gamble and that I am sick with this illness.
I almost euphoric now because ive finally accepted what I am and that I am a compulsive gambler, and I’m never going to gamble again. Money comes and goes and I dont want to hurt the people around me anymore, I don’t want to lie to them, they’re there for me and I owe it to them and myself.
Thank goodness ive accepted this now. im never going to lose a pound or penny to gambling from this day. And it feels great.
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8 May 2019 at 3:14 pm #50569duncParticipant
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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8 May 2019 at 3:22 pm #50570TinaTurnerParticipant
Hi Lydian. Good step. I try to remind myself that the only way to win at gambling is to not play. Most of us eventually play back what we win anyway. So, why bother?
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8 May 2019 at 10:43 pm #50571Lydian90Participant
Second day, and I’m reminded again that everytime ive ever gambled I’ve lost and I’ve given away too much of my hard earned money to this illness.
Today I went kayaking (I’m on vacation as I work abroad) and had a great time. Im reminded that the whole cost of it is one measly deposit. And there’s no comparison for the experience. These are the things my money is for. Not clicking buttons and feeling like a piece of s*it.I still feel free from this. And I’ll continue to remind myself.
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8 May 2019 at 11:11 pm #50572i-did-itParticipant
Well done Lydian – keep strong and keep doing those physical activities ! You deserve to spend your money on things which bring you pleasure rather than gambling which just brings pain .
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9 May 2019 at 5:04 pm #50573GbabyhParticipant
I very much like your energy and your resolve for never ever gambling again, because you have finally realized that you only win by not playing!
Keep it up Lydia, and best of luck with your recovery 🙂
– Chris
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9 May 2019 at 9:06 pm #50574Lydian90Participant
Day 3 now. And I’m doing some nice things even though I’m still on a tight budget. My next contract doesn’t start for another 2 months so I need to budget well but the good news is I have good work until the end of the year.
I was going to use the word if, but when I’ve saved my money I need to I know I’ll be so happy with myself.
I’ve deleted all the gambling videos I’ve been watching, I requested self exclusion from a site ud been using but they’re making it incredibly difficult. They want scans of my ID and passport and my debit cards, they claim it’s to protect from money laundering but we all know the real reason.
Any more money I’ll deposit I may aswell wave goodbye too. If I gamble anymore I’ll be in serious trouble and I’m going to remind myself of this.
I’m in a few thousand debt but without gambling and working I’ll be able to pay this off this year.
If I gamble I’ll only make it worse and risk my chance of a clean slate.
Gambling isn’t fun for me anymore, it’s an addiction and I can’t stop, I lose the value of money and make myself feel like a low life piece of crap.I’m not going to gamble today. I’m not going to feel sorry for myself, I’m going to keep reminding myself why I don’t and cannot do it anymore.
This is my real streak. -
9 May 2019 at 11:28 pm #50576SteevParticipant
It is great that you have come here and that you recognise that for compulsive gamblers – gambling is NOT fun. Also that we lose the value of money (and it takes some time to get that back.) I hope you have got good support for yourself. I know the early days are the hardest.
Just one thing – don’t push yourself to pay off your debts too quickly. It can be a trigger if money gets really tight or if you are so keen to be debt free that you forget to give yourself non-gambling treats occasionally.
Keep posting and being so positive!
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10 May 2019 at 8:17 pm #50577Lydian90Participant
Fourth day here now. I’d be lying if I’d say that the thoughts hadn’t entered my mind, however quickly banished as I know I’ll never win and the only way to lead a fulfilled life is without gambling. It controls me and throws all logic and reason away. I’m a very impulsive person and now that I’ve accepted that and my illness I’m ready to grow and live my life honestly and true to myself.
I’m grateful for my friends, family and partner, my work and skills I’ve worked for.
I’m starting my new life. All the best to everyone else with this addiction.
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