Welcome to the forum. You said it, You had a life and with gambling you don’t. And that is what gambling does. I also ran Into to difficulties with an untrained sponsor at GA but GA isn’t really my thing. This site is my thing, and Gordon Moody where I did the women’s gambling programme. We have to really want to give up gambling. It is only through accessing our higher power, whatever u believe that to be that helps us.
While counselling can really help, and I recommend it, we can be stuck in childhood trauma till very late in life. Sometimes mental health professionals keep us stuck. For me, I also had a fair amount of adult childhood trauma. And you know what, I reached a point where it was just get over it. Forgive them, they were doing their best and we never know the lives that people have that makes them who they r. This is a new day.
Gambling is a progressive illness, it get worse until, like me we hit rock bottom, and then the only choice to survive is to stop. We recover our lives slowly but surely. We all on here have had relapses and kept the blocks you talk about, those blocks are just the addiction speaking. Decide you want to live life and fulfil those wonderful dreams you speak of, which sound great. I hope keep posting.

You’re in the right place. I just joined here a few days ago.

You have a lot more to get off your chest I can tell.

Yes, cognitive behavioral therapy/talk therapy can be a trap that actually gets you more stuck in the past than anything else … I like the concept of NLP (Neuro Linkguistic Programming). It’s based on this tenet:

If you went to a travel agency, they wouldn’t ask you why you’re there or where you came from. They would ask “where do you want to go?”

Framing questions to ourselves this way is constructive (especially because a lot of things we don’t know the why too right now) and launches our vision forward. “Where do I wanna go?” “What do I need?” “Have I done it before?” “Who will be with me?” etc.

Gambling is a monster — it takes a team to take down a monster. I’ve avoided GA in person meetings for the very same reason — I’m quite a spiritual person but in no way religious and stay away from that side of things.

I know exactly what you mean about having dreams stuck in your head that you don’t act on — I’ve been journaling about this myself. After getting sucked into gambling, the things that you previously thought of that you would just do, you end up postponing endlessly and the priority becomes “after I gamble … after i get back that loss … after I (fill in the blank)” … the “after” never comes.

Gambling itself numbs your senses and lies to you that the life you want and things you want aren’t that great if you can’t be a successful gambler first … Your body and senses are pulsing out messages to get up, go do and explore and be where you want — your neurochemistry has rewired those signals to be interpreted as “go gamble” … you’ll notice this if you feel into all those competing signals that happen before gambling. They’re trying to connect you back to your body that gets moves and does things.

Gambling is what we want stuck in our head and looking at with indifference … with help, we have to pull ourselves away from that black hole and make gambling what we are window shopping/thinking of time to time then shrugging at. Life passions take center stage in its place.

I’m finding my emotions and thoughts go from one polarity to the other — the false paradigm of gambling where emotional and activity interests are distorted/inverted, and the true expression where my deeper joy clarity of vision and love comes back to the surface with a natural resilient confidence and gambling looks like what it is: boring and unpromising. The “thrill” is just a trick created by our biological and personality predisposition for it.

Please keep writing in your journal here. You have a lot of emotions and things happening under your impulse to gamble — I’m still fairly new here but have observed this to be immensely helpful/a deep breath of oxygen.

Much love and support <3

Hi Angel. I am writing this whilst looking out of the window at a view of sea and mountains in a remote part of Ireland. Yesterday I was out taking (not very good) photographs. I have no money worries.

30 years ago I was gambling every day – sometimes for hours at a time only stopping when I needed to pee! Constantly worried about money and when not gambling, having to work every hour to pay off debts and keep my head above water financially.

So it can be done. I did it by reaching out to people and working through the issues that brought me to gambling – a need to blank out the past and present hurts. Feeling that I was not worth the lifestyle that I could have. My low self-esteem and feelings of failure.

How you can work through these things can vary. I found something called co-counselling, which is only available in a few areas of the UK and US – not sure where you are? Some find community in GA – I guess from your post that didn’t work for you. There are other growth communities out there – NLP, TA, The Work – there might even be something of community in the Pagan network … But I think joining a group of people who are trying to heal themselves and support others is the key.

If you feel you are not being helped by this mental health professional after 10 years – why are you still there? There are other ways of working on past trauma that might be more beneficial. Take control of your own recovery – do the usual things of not handling your own finances (if possible) and banning yourself from gambling places – but above all get into a supportive culture. Here is a good place to start – maybe see you in group some time!

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

Every time I go to a casino, I win. While it may not be a windfall, it can range from $20 to a couple of hundred bucks and every time I do the math I think “Now if I left with 20 bucks a day, that’s $600! a month!” But…of course, I don’t leave. I gamble until I’ve lost what I won, and then on and on until I’ve lost what I’ve brought and — if I have my bank card with me — until I’ve lost what I’ve withdrawn (in a futile attempt to get it all back). Surely, the story is the same for most everyone. Surely, the sense of SELF-LOATHING is the same as we drive away from the casino wondering what the f*ck we were thinking??? Now I am truly at my rope’s end. I am months behind on my house payment and have disconnection notices from the utilities companies. The irony of what I did today is that I got a check for $345 in the mail for damage to my vehicle’s roof rack that a casino’s parking lot gate caused!!! The insurance company sent me $345! What did I do? Instead of paying the $340 monthly loan payment (one of several) on my grandfather’s ring that I pawned (not related to gambling), I went to the casino. This morning another $359 was withdrawn from my checking account on a pay-day loan that I got for $1600 back in August!!! I hate myself. I hate what I have become. I hate who I have become. Insanity IS doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I go to the casino thinking that I am strong enough to leave after I win — and I NEVER do. I work hard and I throw my money away. I don’t know how I am going to get myself out of this downward spiral. My finances are A MESS. I am so far behind on everything that I just turned the volume off on my land line so I don’t hear it ring constantly with all the debt collectors calling for their monthly payments. I really just have my dog to live for. If it weren’t for him, I’d jump ship. What’s the point of it all?

Keep writing, keep sharing.

The feelings of gambling are deep pain and isolated numbness I know how you feel.  There is a way out — it isn’t going to be rapid.  You’re angry numb and sad because you feel the pull of the spiral.

One thing I know you have to do is make sure you get lots of healthy activities and remember what else besides gambling interests you and push push yourself to immerse in those activities.

The voice of the addiction says all of those things/life doesn’t matter, but gambling does.  It’s inverted and twisted.  Placing huge bets doesn’t matter (at all) — your life means everything.  Your emotions are numb to this right now and that voice saying otherwise is loud; don’t trust it.  Don’t trust that voice twisting your feelings and priorities around.

I know it’s like coming out of a total mindtwist that this addiction creates.  Keep sharing, and start one day at a time with some form of improvement.  Step by step by step.

You can do this.  I’ve only been here a few days and already improving a lot in getting my mind off the gamble/spread betting little by little.

Much love and support <3