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I dont even know where I begin with my story….Well let’s see I’m a wife, mom of 3, and a compulsive gambler.
I think I was certain or almost destin to have an addiction of some sort…. my dad was a heroin addict, he died of an over dose at the age of 54. My mom was also an addict, she did herion with my dad but her choice of drug was methamphetamines. My mom has been clean since I was about 14 years old from drugs about the time of her becoming clean and sober she replaced her addiction for drugs to gambling. She gambled everything thing she had away. Mind you after she stopped the drug addiction she became pretty successful making around 80k a year. She did not have a dollar to her name because of gambling. She used to take me with her when I became an adult and we would stay all night at the casino gambling. That’s were my addiction begins. (Btw, mom has been gambling free for 5 years, yay!)
So here I am now literally going through withdrawals, having anxiety and irritability because I want to go gamble!!!
My life has become unmanageable, the lies to cover up what I spent, taking out lines of credit to replace the bank account. I get a loan to start fresh only to have the debt problem worse after the fact. Yesterday I spent 2500.00 today I’m trying to figure out how to hide it. Maybe I’ll go and win my money back!?! My problem has gotten progressively worse the last 10 or so years I’ve maintained about a 15 to 30 k a year habit, however, the year before last I lost about 40k, last year 76k and it’s only Feb and I already lost 15k so far this year. I think of all the money I’ve lost and it makes me sick to my fucking stomach. Everything my husband and I have worked for I’m ruining and I cant stop! Everyone tells me to just stop and if it were only that easy! And honestly I’m tired of hearing about it, it just makes me hide more. 3 months last year (sept, oct, nov) I didnt gamble, I thought I had it in the bag, I didnt even have the urgency or temptation to gamble anymore…….then I gambled one time socially and that was it for me….worse then before I started again.
The ironic part is I’ve never won more than 3k, and even if I do win, i still loose i can never take my winnings.
I live in texas now, were gambling is illegal and all the have are these stupid game rooms known as sweepstakes and that us where I gamble 80 percent of the time. They only let you redeem about 500 to 600 hundred a night so even if you hit big a compulsive gambler like myself cant control themself enough to go back day after day to redeem 500.
I want to stop. I’m done. I’ve lost my jackpot I’ve been chasing. If I would have just saved all the money from gambling I’d have my jackpot in the bank. I need help and support. Please, I dont want to gamble tonight when does it get easier? When will this urgency and anxiety leave? I dont remember it being this strong when I quit a couple months back.
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Hi Jordancakes87! I feel you. This addiction sucks! I have struggled for many years. 20-25. I lost so much money, time, etc. To give you an idea, I stoped *****ing after 2 million and that was years ago so I can only imagine. I have relapsed more times than one can *****. However I have not gambled yet this year and I am bound and determined to keep it that way. I think your urges will lesson with time. I think at this point you should just take it a day at a time. Is there someone you can let control or keep your money till the urges lesson?? Is there anyone to talk to? Could your mom help?? Maybe GA or CR?? Me personally, I do not like GA but I do come here, I see a therapist who specializes in gambling addiction and I go to CR vs GA (Celebrate Recovery) you might want to google it. I am not sure what your beliefs are BUT the number one thing that has helped me the most is understanding that I am completely powerless over gambling and asking God to intervene. I can’t fight the addiction by myself anymore. I need him and he is giving me the power to do what I just can not do on my own. I hope you find what works for you. I will be thinking and praying for you.
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You have had a rough ride with gambling, JC.
Time to kiss it all goodbye.
No time is a right time or a good time. No time will be easy. Indeed, giving up is hard as hell, but what’s the alternative for a compulsive gambler? Hell on earth, in my experience. It gets worse every time. Believe me I have tried to win back even a day’s loss and very often did and guess what..? You know the answer.
It always ends in tears. We could gamble from now until eternity and never get our money back.
Bow out when you still have your family intact.
One day at a time. The urgency and anxiety will never leave but it will fade. The longer you stay away from gambling, the thoughts will become less intense .
It is NOT easy but it IS possible.
Just for today walk away. -
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Hi Jordan, i know too well what you are talking about. Whitdrawal symptoms can be horrible but they wont kill you. Try to find something else to do with your time. Otherwise you need to ride it out even though it’s hard.
You wont win it back like you said. Have you seen images of a gambling addicts brain versus a “normal” healthy brain? If not Google it, it has helped me to understand why im having all these whitdrawal symptoms.
Hang in there xxx
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I kinda made the same mistake as well. All i wanted to do was make $100 to buy a few stuff, btw I’m a student so I don’t work. Didn’t wanna spend the money i had at the moment but try to gamble it and essentially buy it with my winning. I ended losing a $500 bankroll to try to make $100. Making $100 is usually easy but i ended up going on tilt and losing a lot more than $500 let’s say.
From that day i realized that gambling is only there if you wanna gamble, not a way to make money. I should have listened to the people on this forum but i didn’t. How i escaped was , by replacing the void with something else. Like Gaming or some other non- expensive hobby but plus I’m in debt and can’t really afford to gamble atm as well.Like i made big money but pending withdrawal take forever and as a gambler, i think i can make more if i got that far with my initial bankroll. i end up losing it eventually. Its best to stop overall. Try to find something to fill the void or just expect the worse when you gamble.
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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
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And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
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