Everything looks good and was fine but is it? really?  My life was so deceptive and unpredictable so far, good times never last.

Dear diary,

Work, Gambling, Alcohol, Food, Repayment plan, Health or Relationship related can be the cause of a new fire in my life and soon everything will be burning, and my life will be in a mess again after a full-blown relapse. The last act is usually gambling.

There is a strange calmness after the hurricane left, leaving behind a trail of destructions. Now I need to check what is my damage.

I cannot freeze now and do nothing; there is little time to sink in self-pity, and morn my losses because the next bill or financial commitment is nearing. I need to find an income quickly and do what it takes before the problem become from bad to worst.  

I am an addict. My story is nothing new. Of cos, I am frustrated after a relapse. Of cos I wish there is no slip or relapse in recovery but they are a part of my life. This is no excuse for a relapse, the earlier I break free from this vicious cycle the better, yet life cannot shut down as a result, I need to find the last ounce of strength to carry on.

When everything falls apart. I can just take one baby step at a time and do the next right thing.