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I feel my heart racing and palms sweating right before I close my eyes to sleep. My fiancé is next to me sound asleep. My cell phone is tucked underneath my pillow as I am ready to wake up any hour In the middle of the night to check a score. I wake up my heart is racing , my throat is clogged another loss. I take a deep breath close my eyes and try to figure out a way of getting this money back or another excuse as to why I can’t come up with this $ again to my bookie.
My compulsive addiction started when I was 18 I’m 28 now almost 29 engaged and a wedding on the way next year . I was always good with money , a great saver one who always looked for great buys. I don’t know what triggered my brain but once I started to bet on sports that high has never gone away . It may have gone away for days/ weeks but it ultimately has always come back to kill me. Friday is here and that bridge was to be crossed I don’t have the money I can’t pay a personal loan is the option I’ll be covered yes I’ll do that. One personal down. Another week same story 2 personal Loans down . Yet again another week comes lets do a cash advance on my credit card that will save me I’ll get it back next week. Nope to no avail I lost again.
On my last string and with no money left I kept that account open and hit my bookie for so much money I was on cloud nine that day I had steak instead of soup. Come Friday he was nowhere to be found. No money to collect. The only thing I collected was my sorrows that I’ve been collecting for the last 10 years of my life each week.
My family doesn’t know about this Nor my fiancé . I can’t tell them I’m to embarrassed I’ll never live it down. I work so much 80-100 hours a week to support this habit and now I have to ask my friend for money and for me to open up about my addiction to him. I’ve been down this never ending road for a long time now and each time it leads me to the same dead end destination to nowhere. I’m here on this forum because I’m a true addict I need help before this can take my life which can be a real good one to hell. Thanks for your time
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I’m currently screwing my life up and doing things that make me by far the worst person I know. I can’t help you from the point of view of someone who has or even is recovering, but I can offer advice as an active addict who has made every mistake in the book and currently hates himself with a passion. First, don’t take the loan from your friend. Sell something, anything. Work more hours. But right here and now don’t ever, ever take another loan. It’s a lie that we tell ourselves that a loan will help. In the end it adds to our shame and frustration. If you do take the loan, and forgive me but I bet you do, have the friend pay the bookie directly. No matter what you tell yourself if that money hits your hands how are you going to resist the urge to make that one last bet? If you just make one more bet then you can pay back the friend, the bookie and who knows you may even come out so good you can make another bet and climb out of the whole you’re in. Shit, it’s all lies. You’d be better off letting the bookie break your legs than taking out another loan. God I’ve got to stop taking out loans. This life sucks. Sorry for ranting and I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I know your pain.
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Hello Newme and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
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And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
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