I am totally new to online forums so please excuse me if I don’t get something right. First I want to say, I am not blaming anyone or my circumstances. I made the choice. I am responsible.  I have been a gambler as long as I can remember. Some of my best memories we’re playing penny poker at my great grandparents house. The thrill of winning that pile of money hooked me from the time I could match cards. Fast forward to my adult life. I lived in places that there were no casinos or slot machines so it was not an issue for some of my adult life. I now live in a town of about 40000 people and there are at least 5 casinos. It started out with taking $5.00 once a month. It quickly became my escape. My husband didn’t spend time with me or the kids. He had his own addictions. By the time we ended up getting divorced I was spending about $20.00 about once a week. I got remarried and was afraid of what my husband would do if he found out I was spending money at the casino. So I did not go much but the desire was still there. He worked nights and slept until about 8pm then he would get up and go to work 10pm to 6 am. I would rush home from work just wanting to spend time with him hoping today would be different and he would get up and be a part of our family. After a few years of disappointment I gave up on being excited to see him and just resigned myself to that is the way it was. However, this freed up time to sneak off to the casino after work without him knowing. I have been in control of thetmonwy and the bills since i have known him. Check Doesnt even know how much money we have or spend. Once again, it became my escape. I gradually started going more and more and spending more and more. I started getting pay day loans and using credit cards to pay bills. You can only get so much credit before it runs out. I confessed to my husband that had spent the money we had in savings and that it was all gone but only because I got caught. His debit card was declined and he went to check the balance at the ATM. I justify spending the time and money by telling myself I deserve to do something I want to do. I work hard, don’t have days off, as I work at work and work at home on my non paid work days. I can justify it all day long but I know better. I am completely addicted. If I win, I can leave with some money but I’ll go back the first chance I get. If I lose I’ll get money out of the ATM until the bank account is negative a thousand dollars or more. I have missed work, lied, cheated, stolen, and put myself in so much debt that I cannot even make the monthly minimium on my loans. I am several thousand dollars in debt. I am still hiding it from my husband and my family. There are no GA meetings close enough for me to attend so I started seeking out alternatives. I found this site. I’m still not convinced that talking online will help me, but I’m willing to at least try it. My husband wants nothing to do with the finances or paying bills. I am responsible for everything in our household except his job and taking out the trash. I have asked him for help but haven’t gotten any. I don’t know if he doesn’t want to help, doesn’t care, or just doesn’t know how to help. He has his own issues to deal with without stressing over mine. I am alone in this. I don’t feel like I have anyone I can talk to or go to. I have tried making plans with family or friends instead of planning on going to the casino but plans usually fall through. No one is home, they are too busy, or don’t answer the phone. I’m working on alternatives. I have deleted all of my casino games off of my phone even though they do not cost money. I have been seeking out help. I have decided to shred my debit card so I can’t go to the ATM and get money. I have decided to plan a strict time schedule for my weekends when I go visit family so I won’t have time to sneak off to the casino. I am starting to go to church. I think God is the ultimate help and healer. If you read my entire post, thank you for reading. I know it is long. I have much more to say, but I will stop for now. Thanks again for having this site and having a community where we can lift each other up without judgement.