Hi there,

I started gambling with my brother 2 years ago, at the start as everyone knows it was low bets, like normal people, only going in a social aspect.

Fast forward and a lot has happened.

Last year, I told my fiance, that I had a gambling problem, she was very supportive. This happened after I spent 1.5k on my credit card, I paid that off and abstained from gambling for about 9 months. I do suffer from bouts of depression and have been to a psychologist on a regular basis to
keep it in check. At the time, I did not take it as a massive issue, and she thought it was bad, and that I could keep it in check. After another depressive stint, I was back into it. This time, I had lied to her (now my wife) on a regular basis of where I was going, and I was constantly
lying. My gut was always churning and I was always having mood swings, I was taking from our mortage repayments, but paying them back straight away. However then I would not have any money left for normal weekly outings with friends.. I also drank, most afternoons which would put me in a place to seek out the sensation of gambling, the fun, but also the time, alone, not being bothered.

About 3 months ago, I told my wife again. This time, she was upset, but still supportive. I on the other hand was a complete and utter mess. Everytime I looked at her, I cried, and I felt, absolutely, weak and low. My mum came down and both my wife and I took me to my pscholgist.

From then to now, it has helped, I have worked out my major trigger is drinking and moreso alone. When I drink alone, I seem to take the risk. So after going to my meetings I had 2 months off alcohol, I put in place a drinking schedule and discussed with my wife about it. One main thing
I told my wife is that, I want to be completely honest, and described the nights I went to bed and couldnt sleep because of my lying. I also during a 3 month stint, all of my money was transferred to her accounts, my pay went into her account and if I needed money, I just would have to ask.

Now the accounts are back, however, my money goes into a joint account and when I buy anything it comes from that account, so there is transperancy and she can see. I also am not allowed to take cash out.

Since then it has been about 2 months. So 4 months since me telling my wife. Yesterday, I had a beer with a friend and drove home, aftewards I thought maybe I would go down. All of the risk placement I put in place didnt work. I took out $100. Even knowing that my wife would see. After betting $50,
I realised how ridiculous this was and went back and put $50 back into our account. All afternoon, I felt absolutely gutted by my behaviour. My mind as people know was doing the whole, don’t tell your wife, it’ll just upset her and break the trust even further, do you want to ruin your wifes night/afternoon?

However, I beat that and came clean on the day it happened. I let her know what had occured. She asked if I was ok, if I was feeling down which lead me to do it, the sad part is, that I wasnt feeling down. Luckily my wife is very supportive, however for obvious reasons its the day after and I feel terrible, moreso, just at my
actions, and how I could have done that again, when I told her that it wouldnt happen.

Are relapses normal, am I doing the right thing? I more worry that I can’t keep doing this. My wife is happy that I was honest. We just put our accounts back to the way they were, and I go and do this. Do you think I am just setting myself up for failure, should I put it back the way it was.

Any advice is appreciated.

Thank you