So very sorry you’re struggling. Have you had help with the depression? I think that can lead to gambling, then the gambling makes the depression worse, one vicious circle. If you haven’t had help with it please get yourself to a doctor as its very worrying that you got to the point of attempting to hang yourself.
It’s great that you’ve come here, where you can get some support. Maybe knowing you are not dealing with thing’s alone will help you in time, I really hope so.
Hope to see an update soon.

Hey Exhausted,

how are you today? I am worried that you may feel you can’t do anything to change your predicament. I thought of suicide often near the end of my severe struggle with gambling several years ago. I had a life insurance policy and thought I could fake an accident. It was the only worth I felt I had to my family. I’m glad I listened to the little voice that told me that wasn’t true. I hope you realize that it wouldn’t be the answer. Have you been in touch with your doctor recently? Does your school have a student advisory department that could provide you with some advice, financial or otherwise? Do you have a close family member or friend that you can trust and confide in? Please don’t go through this alone. I’m sorry you struggle with a will to live and chronic depression. Please don’t give up on finding an answer. One little step at a time.
Laura

I have learn in recovery that you don’t have to follow your thought and feeling, they may not reflect the truth.

I started to practice writing about my thought, feeling and action plan more than 15 years ago.

I may think about suicide, gambling, binge drinking or eating but I don’t have to do it.

I don’t feel like exercising, going to recovery support group meeting and reading the 12 steps recovery program, attending church or reading the bible but I can do it.

I may feel like playing doctor and not taking my anti depressants but I shall continue to take my medication unless the doctor told me so….

I thought and feel like clearing my debt quickly but I had a choice, i can choose to do it slowly over a longer time, it is less stressful this way.

It was a doctor who taught me to start writing down my thought, my feeling and action plan everyday. The doctor was concern that I was suicidal, it was due to the depression. 

After I have recovered from depression, the suicidal thoughts have also disappear.

Hope this can help you too.

Hi Exhausted. Haven’t heard from you in quite a while. I had a lot going on or I would have checked in with you sooner. I hope you were able to talk with someone and get some support and help. If you happen to read this, let us know how you are doing. Praying for you. That you find recovery and wellness.
Laura

Hello Exhausted12

I know how you feel and understand.  I have been hiding my addiction for more than 5 years and it is a lonely horrible place to be.  Last week I finally came clean to my partner – yes he was angry but you know what – it was a huge relief to finally tell someone, and he has actually been really supportive.  The fact is this is something you need help with (as did I)  I have turned over all my finances to him so I can’t gamble and the relief is huge.  Please please reach out to your family and ask for help.

PS one week since my last bet – no longer thinking about my losses which I can never get back, instead focussing on an image of myself in a few months when I know I will be in a much better place.

Well done on taking that huge step.  It is a huge relief and I wish you all the success with your recovery and self growth.  Do you have a thread here?  I’m sorry if I missed it, I’ve been going thorugh a lot of health issues and now that I’m finally starting to feel better I’m catching back up with GT.  If you don’t it would be lovely if you start one so that we can continue to support you, and you us, in our recovery.

take care,

Laura