Although I’d love to tell my life story, I’ll keep this brief and just get a few things off my chest, into this forum where maybe some people will relate.

I fucked up. Bad. Now, then, before, always.

In 1993, I was 13 and hooked on crystal meth. Somehow I kicked that. Now it’s 2018 and I can look back and say I overcame a lot, addiction, homelessness. I worked hard, educated myself, served in the Army, have a career and a family and college degrees, all earned by hard work.

But now, somehow, before I realized I was even doing it, I gambled away my families’ life savings! Goddamn me! My wife doesn’t know how bad it is, my kids have no idea.

I gambled on everything: California lottery, Indian casino slots and video poker, fights and sports, but mostly leveraged exchange traded funds in an online brokerage account. I kept chasing my losses, doubling my bets, with disastrous results! I’m down $50,000 in two years, I’ve got no money left and plenty of credit card debt.

Suicidal thoughts are constant. I smoke weed before bed to block out my darkness, but by 5:00 in the morning my heart’s pounding, I’m grabbing my smart phone to place another bet. Fuck!