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I’m back. It has been an eventful few months but I have learnt a lot about my addiction during this time.
Briefly, a few months back, I had $12,000 in losses. Then I had an excellent run of luck, earned back my $12,000, and even managed to accumulate $10,000 worth of winnings. But a few badly placed bets later and I am back down with $4,000 worth of losses.
This experienced has taught me a lot about this addiction. When I was down $12,000, all I could think of was to break even and stop gambling. When I broke even, I wanted to continue with my streak and earn something for my troubles. But I realised that even when I was up $10,000, the thought of stopping never crossed my mind. I thought that all I wanted was to earn more money, but actually I think I was addicted to the thrill and anticipation more than the actual winnings. Then I came across this report by BBC and realised I was on to something…
“It’s not just the winning that counts; it’s the taking part [in gambling]”
This revelation was a real wake-up call. No matter where I was on the spectrum of wins and losses, I would never stop if my focus was only on the money because, as it turns out, it was never about the money.
Hence I have decided to start again. This obsessive habit has drained me, but I’ve decide to put my foot down and give myself another shot at getting my life back. Even so, I foresee it will be hard to get over the $4,000 I lost. Guess i’ll just have to take it as tuition fees for a first-rate life lession in the dangers of compulsive gambling. I hope to be able to quit permanently, and help others along in the future.
But first things first – one day at a time.
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Thank you Semaj for sharing .
I have started watching the video link and it is excellent – I have read quite a bit about this man.You have rightly observed that once we cross the line into gambling addiction we always end up losing – even if takes a while.
The only solution for us is to stop gambling completely .
I wish you well on this journey and hope you find this site to be a supportive part of your recovery. -
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This addiction always leaves us feeling a bit of an idiot after going back for some more punishment. Put in place a mental ban. If you think of it, just remember, you don’t gamble anymore. That being said, I truly feel barriers and being honest with someone who can help keep you accountable are a huge help. We are addicted after all. Makes it hard to say no to our self. Keep working at it! The alternative is unthinkable. Laura
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Hi Semaj,
No matter how hard I tried I could not Resist gambling.
No barrier could stop me .
Now I can resist mostly and the difference is I have learned to accept the money is gone – it is never coming back . I think that is what you are saying – I try to chalk it up to experience . Of course at times I still think about it but something has shifted in my brain and I know I will not see it ever again .It’s really hard to do , but it sounds like you are focusing on all the positive things in your life – do everything possible to stop yourself gambling Srmaj. I remember being in groups and thinking others were so much worse than me – that I wasn’t a bad gambler – they had all stopped and I was still thinking that I went deeper into debt.
Once we cross that line into gambling addiction , he accusation will steal everything .
I would suggest you go to Charles groups and find it more about how to prevent gambling.
You are a good person – you deserve to be free of this horrible addiction . -
Hi Semaj,
How have things been going ?
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