Hi Rainman,

rock bottom is a very hard place indeed. Are you still able to access a doctor? Is coming off Xanax cold turkey recommended? I’m just concerned that it should be done under the guidance of a doctor. Especially while you are dealing with this addiction as well and the new low it has caused.

We do need to never forget where this addiction has taken us. But we can’t beat ourselves with it. Especially while hanging by a thread.

NA could be a natural starting point to self help. And GA would give added perspective to dealing with the gambling addiction. No one says you can’t do both. Sounds like you need a lot of support right now. They may have insight into local resources for credit counseling. The creditors will start circling and it’s good to know where you stand. ie is bankruptcy the only option? Is there any property that you can protect etc.

Such a difficult place. You are not alone. Reach out for whatever supports you can get. But do not borrow any more from your parents unless they are your only option to keep yourself fed and the lights on. And if so, they must know that the money is going for that. They deserve that much. We will just keep throwing good after bad. We will throw our money and others just as easily. We are addicted to the bet. And we keep betting til the money runs out!! You may as well have asked your parents to lend you crack. The money makes the bet go round.

The denominations were a little different but I did the exact same thing. I borrowed money from my mother to cover an imminent overdue expense and I went and gambled it right away. Literally ten minutes later.

I couldn’t believe what I had done. So insane! But there was hope for me and there is hope for you. Big change is required. One little step at a time.

Laura

Hi Rainman,

I have looked at your previous thread…. that one referred to ones before that as well.

Maybe you should revisit them yourself – what advice did you get then?

I would agree with Laura about the xanax – get proper medical advice.

“I typically post something here or on other forums when i hit some kind of low and browse a couple days and …….”

Then learn from that – take steps NOW, get to GA and back to NA NOW. Do it now before the pain fade, then keep doing it.

If we need help to stop gambling then we should also use support to maintain recovery.

O hope you keep posting here but if you disappear and then return in a few months then I also hope you maintian this thread rather than start a new one – that way you will already have the advice in place.

Hi Rainman (Cool name).

I read your post and totally emphasise with your words and story and feel for you.

I have been in the same place recently as you and felt exactly like you some 4 weeks ago. Basically my life was unrecoverable and over. Impossible situations and events and losses ended up with me with 6, yes 6 suicide events within a three period. Self afixiation and jumping from some tall buildings were my choices during tjis desperate period. 100% I wanted To end the torment and pain I was feeling and going through. And planned each with meticiolos care but events transpired I failed each time. ( A timely phone call from my daughter some seconds before I was going to jump of the Hilton skyline bar some 100 feet up to name one).
Anyway like on my blog I received lots of good advice and comments from many members of this site. Even those words from those members (And they were wise words) I could not see a ‘light at the end of any tunnel. I felt total overwhelmed in my head with everything. Little sleep compounded with everything going wrong and not just in my gambling life. Chasing loss after loss and completely losing myself in a gambling bubble I couldnt escape. Just a question = do you suffer from depression ? (I did and the gambling possibly was an escape from certain other issues in my life).
Bottom line is read my blog:
https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/en/first-post
You can see I went from 30k + up to 30 k down in the space of 5 weeks. I posted goodbye posts on my first suicide attempt as mentioned in my previous comment with my daughter. I also recognised even when I had no debt some 3 months ago I could see the fall coming. People posted to try and Save me. I’m a compulsive gambler and at the time couldn’t be saved. No message was strong enough. No advice struck me. That is why I post to you this evening that there is always a way foward with your situation. I look foward to your response then can give more information and hopefully help in your situation.

Thanks for reading. Paul

Your thread has taken me straight back to how I was feeling a few weeks back. This GA really sucks and bleeds us dry. I at times felt I had been replaced by this person I hardly recognised and the things I would do and thought I’d doing, shock me now when I remember …hell, was that really me this soul less creature chasing the flashing lights, sounds and false excitement of a possible win that rarely came…I got to a point that I didn’t care about anything, including myself. But hey, I’m here as you are telling our stories with the constant hope of another GF day, week, months and years. We are all here because we need support and want to stop. It was only when I came on this site after 18 years of serious problem gambling that I’ve been able to accept and call mysel a CG. It has only been then, with this acceptance that my recovery journey has allowed me to face my demons and understand the true nature of this addiction. I’m slowly clawing my life back and know this time I need to stay on track before I loose my true self forever. Seek out as much support as you can, we need this. The person that you speak of, that was you is still there. Be kind and forgiving of yourself. Some people speak of making a choices in our lives, to gamble. I make a choice of not to today or tomorrow. Step by step, day by day you can do this.

Are you ok Rainman.

I don’t know anything about crypto currency, or poker for that matter.
I am a compulsive gambler. When I start, I can’t stop until it’s gone, I could win win win and would stay until I have blown the lot and then some.
I guess you have to weigh up what you have to lose here.
And it’s not just money we are talking about. It’s self esteem, self worth and self control ( the hardest of all)
I can see how you are tossing up what to do.
In saying that, it doesn’t sound to me like poker and crypto have done you any favours lately?
I can’t tel you what to do, it’s your life and your decision.
I can never gamble again, I know that. ( mind you it took me 15 years and the loss of my Home to get it through my head!)
Only you can make the choice. May I suggest to read some other posts here, you may get more perspective that could help you.
I wish you all the very best and hope to read more of your story.
Love K x