I just got back home from an all night gambling binge. I’ve been obsessing about how to get away from home and work and what my excuse was going to be. This year my gambling has picked up a lot more frequency. I was able to stop for a while and then the urge just got the best of me. in the past 2 months i’ve blown so much money. The sad part is i win big jackpots but i just keep going until i end up with nothing. i don’t know whats wrong with me. i’m smoking like a chimney. my lungs feel like they’re about to die on me. i hated the smell of smoke as a teenager. now i’m a smoker because it was a habit i picked up 6 years ago at the casino. i feel like i can’t stop until theres no more money. i don’t get it. i was going there initially because i wanted to just make some money they i would but i would just lose it all plus i would go to the atm again and get more money. It’s such a tragic cycle. I need to stop this. I need to break free of this addiction because what it is doing to me is crazy. i leave work. i didn’t come home last night because i was so caught up and didn’t want to leave and i didn’t care what the consequences would be. This is just sad and pathetic. As i am writing this i feel so ashamed of myself and i feel so sad because there’s so much i could have done for my family with all the money i’ve lost. and there’s no reason absolutely no reason why i’m there. i don’t need their money. i work. i go to give them my money. that’s what i don’t get. so why do i keep going. because even if i win i lose.