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Hi
I’m new to this kind of thing and feel embarrassed with every word i type. But when you’re this deep inside an abyss of debt and stress i’m starting to realise anything’s worth a shot.
I guess it’s pretty clear that i’m a gambling addict and have been for the last few years. I’ll try and keep the story short.
In fact i’ve been sat here for 15 minutes writing an essay on how my journey into gambling has come about but i’m not publishing a book am i. Basically i went from a fun and manageable lottery like approach to gambling with the occasional fruit machine at the pub and ridiculous £1 football accumulators i only did because there was a potential return of 14 million to leaving university and suddenly betting on horses. Considering i used to claim horse racing wasn’t even a sport i never thought i’d fall in love with it and the complete thrill of seeing your pick get his nose in front. I basically went from a £5 bet on a horse with the coolest name to a huge gambling debt within the space of 2/3 years.
I went from £5 to £10 to £20 to £50 to £100 all the way up to single bets of up to £3000. I spent every penny of my wages on alcohol and gambling. I spent the £10,000 inheritance i got after my nan died on gambling. I have extended myself into a £3000 overdraft, obtained 3 pay day loans of around £1000 and a bank loan of £5000 which lasted a week. I’m in over my head and i always think i can gamble my way out of it. Generally i manage to scramble my way to survive another week and i’ve been doing that for the last few months. It’s exhausting.
I refuse to tell my family. I told them i had a problem 2 years ago and that was only because i got in a car crash, got arrested and i told them i wouldn’t be able to afford any costs because i gambled everything. Since then they think i’m fine. But if there is one thing i will not do it’s tell them. I cannot be dealing with that stress, the looks, the disappointment, i won’t be able to handle that. But i gambled the last of my pay today and missed a loan payment so now i’m out of options.
I gave up once for a month and another time for a couple of months after a big win. But i told myself that as soon as i spent most of it i would start gambling again because when you gamble it’s satisfying to see the money you just spent on a weekend away fall back into your account after a win.
I’ve been drowning in secrecy for so long and this is the first time i’ve ever put it all out to other people. I know it’s nothing new but it’s worth trying something different and maybe get a bit of advice.
Thanks
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Hello Nerve Mittens and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties youre currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if youre new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. Were in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like youre not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
And on that note….
Im going to hand you over to our community because Im sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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Hi Nervemitten and welcome to the Forum. Well done on looking for help. We are actually lucky these dyas – there is a lot of help available to us, sites like this, places like gamblers Anonymous, counselling and more.
I am sure you will be reading a lot that you relate to on the other threads here. You will also be reading the success stories, what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation?
Where do you normally gamble? Get yourself banned.
Accountability for your money would be a good idea as well. Is there anyone who could help you with that?I know you have siad that the one thing you won’t do it tell family. You also write though that you are “drowning in secrecy” and that “…. anything’s worth a shot.”
If you can find the courage to tell someone then the best way to do it is to not just present the problem. You can show them by your actions how you are going to deal with the addiction.
Regarding the finances if the debts/bills are unmanageable then get some proper advice. As you are using £ I am guessing you are in the UK. You can get great free advcie for either the Citizens Advice Bureau or for StepChange. Try not to keep debts hidden as that in itself can send people gambling as they try and clear them.
Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking.
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