Happy New Year to all and I wish everyone the best in 2012.  Thank you Larry, pumpkin and stupidme for the replies.  I appologize for not getting on here the past couple of weeks.  I have been crazy-busy with the holidays and family.  Today I’m just ****** in bed, watching movies and I decided to get on my laptop and post a little.  I’ll be going back to work on Tuesday so who knows when I’ll be back on. 
I feel so fortunate because I have not had any urges to go gamble, what-so-ever.  All I can do is praise God for this because in the past the urges have been so difficult to overcome.  I remember the last day I did gamble.  I remember the terrible ride home.  It was an hour-long sob-fest.  I remember begging God to help me have the strength to come clean to my family.  I’ve had these conversations before with God many *****, but I always begged him to help me to quit gambling.  I guess all I needed was to be more specific because having a talk with my whole family has helped me enormously.
My husband and I are working things out.  I wrote him a note explaining how I was feeling and that I could not just sit around and wait for him to decide whether or not he wanted to be committed to me, in good ***** or bad.  (he had already made those vows.)  I simply asked him to make up his mind.  i told him that things would not be wonderful for us right away, but at least we could feel good about knowing that things will get better.  He talked to me and agreed with me.  This happened just before the holidays so we ended up having a good holiday season together.  Last night we sat down for dinner and I asked us all to go around the table and say a prayer for 2012.  My husband prayed for us to become closer this upcoming year, so it’s good that he’s wanting that. 
One weird thing thats been happening is that I keep having dreams about being in a casino.  Does this happen to anyone else?  In my dreams my husband and I go to the casino.  I am always walking up to my husband and he has just won a huge jackpot.  He starts handing me tons of bills and tells me to go "have fun."  I tell him that we should go because I can’t gamble.  He says that he wants to stay.  I sit in front of a machine but I can never bring myself to put the money in.  Then I wake up.  I do have to say that I am always proud of myself when I wake up because I did not gamble in my dreams, but I wish I had never dreamt it in the first place. 
Ok all, I am saying good-bye for now.  I hope you all have a great day.  No gambling.  It’s for the birds. 
Take care
Erin
We can’t go back and make a new start, but we can always start now and make a new ending.

Argh!!!!  I just wrote a long post only to have it not go through!!!!!  So frustrating! 
Oh well….The jist of my post was being grateful for the small things.  I’m happy that I’m curled up, nice and cozy, in my comfy, warm bed.  What a good choice compared to being in a cold, dark, smokey casino. 
Hope you all are (or will be) comfy, cozy in your beds tonight. 
-E
(PS.Thanks Vera, Hope and Sunny for the support!)
We can’t go back and make a new start, but we can always start now and make a new ending!

I wonder why I can be busy, buzzing along, minding my own business and for no reason at all a gambling thought arises.  I mean it’s like BAM!!! right in my face.   I don’t know if I can even call it a thought.  Maybe a memory.  A flash.  I’ll be working on the computer, walking down a hallway, getting lunch ready, or some other mondaine routine and it happens. It’s like I’ve been struck with a dart.  I usually quickly pull the dart out and carry on with what I am doing, not really thinking about it.  Some darts are left in a few seconds longer, and that bothers me.  It’s like a poisonous dart.  It must be pulled out quickly and thrown away. I feel that when I read others posts, those darts hit more often and I leave them in a little longer than I really wish.  I know reading and posting is important, but is it good to expose myself to more of these "darts?"   Can anyone relate to how I’m feeling?  Any advice?