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Last year I spent New Year’s Eve on the couch, with a heavy head, blocked nose and nasty cough. I have this vague memory that I promised myself I would not be in Sweden for the holidays next time. I’d spent them with family in Belgium or maybe in a location I had yet to determine, but not in Sweden.
But in the course of 2011 the downwards spiral of compulsive gambling took the heaviest toll on my finances since this misery began. Not only did I simply not have the money to travel, I even managed to gamble away most of my salary over the Christmas weekend and what should have been a relaxing week off from work between Christmas and New Year’s has been a week of fretting and worrying about the bill I have to pay.
The promise I’m making myself for next Christmas, is that I want to have a much higher level of inner peace. It doesn’t matter where I’ll be, I just want to be able to enjoy the Christmas atmosphere and not feel so totally lost when I see other people on their way to Christmas parties with bags full of presents. In the past I would think: “that seems nice, it’s a bit of a pity I’m spending the holidays by myself”, but then I’d just make things cozy for myself at home and watch something good on TV and I would feel over-the-moon happy, but I’d have piece of mind. This year when I saw people on their merry way with their bags full of goodies, I almost started crying in public.This however, has also been my first week since joining the Gambling Therapy site, which is by far one of the better decisions I’ve made this year and I think it’s a small but significant step towards reaching that inner peace. 2012 has 366 fresh days to do good things with.
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welcome to GT kridel.. most people have gone through all these feelings and can relate to what you are feeling now.. if you are here for a week, you would have noticed that people have managed to stay away for very long time, so it is achievable.. your target for next christmas is very good but to reach there you need to keep working on your recovery.. most of us have managed to stay away from gambling and then we relapsed.. just because we thought that we are cured, or we know it well, or just a small try, or any other excuse and we landed up from where we started.. for people like me, my every relapse have took me far deeper than from where i started.. so try to be regular here and i wish that you all the best in your recovery and wish you a very happy new year.tomorrow will be better than yesterday.
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Hi Kridel, Life at the moment seems like I am in a set of revolving doors and cannot get out until gambling has taken my last pound. Read your post and I agree with you totally ,I had a week off work over xmas and was really looking forward to it . Season to be jolly apparently , not so easy when you are a CG with time to spare. Lost almost my whole months salary but £100 which does not go too far.I cannot remember the last time I went to the xmas sales as usually my xmas sale is stuck in the bookies , which is very,very expensive and you usually come out with nothing !.Sounds familiar?. Life is very hard when everyone is out enjoying thereselves and having a good time, buying nice things. And I am stuck at home almost penniless contemplating what I could have done if I had not gambled my last pound. Bottom line it was my own fault. Have been gambling over 25 years have lost so much it does not bear thinking about but on the other hand I always do think about it. Why am I living such a poverty stricken life when I could live a nice and comfortable life if I had not gambled. This year I will try to be stronger and take power over this disease which has ruined lives. Do not let it control us any more. We all deserve a gamble free life. Good luck and take care.– 01/01/2012 17:41:26: post edited by blueelvis888.
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hey kridel, im pretty new here myself so dont got alot to offer but a yeah been there and done it myself. spent the holidays alone too. more cause im just bitter and just dont feel like being very social and why bother i guess. im a cranky cg and guess why shouldnt i be or anyone else here. when your feeling kicked, beatened and pummeled aint a whole lot to smile about. guess if it does any good feeling that way it would be to remember it the next time we try pulling in that drive way. funny thing is all those emontions end for me when that pay check is in hand. like all this misery and worry never happened and all the debt and bills dont even exsist. feels like i got a new life and im a different person who never gambled before. having that money just kinda gives me a high i cant explain and i just feel good about myself. how that leads me back to destruction i dont know. sure dont feel that way when im walking in that door, anything but. but sure dont take long for them feelings to be crushed again does it? plain insanity is what it is. and just amazing how soon we forget all it yet again.
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Originally posted by kridel
…This however, has also been my first week since joining the Gambling Therapy site, which is by far one of the better decisions I’ve made …
Good morning Krindel,
Good to talk to you earlier in the chat room. Forgive me if I came across too strong talking about GA, I was not trying to "convert" you to any particular way of recovery or beliefs, only trying to impress the importance of any life meetings and of using this site when other meetings are not feasible, and just as important as a valuable addition to other type meetings. My coming here was one of the better decisions I have made too; and continuing using this site is even a better one.
At the end of the session you listed a few thing they make up Kridel, the best part about you list is that it did not include being a CG; we in recovery remain CGs but when working on change, gambling no longer defines us — we are once again a person. Use your positive attributes and makeup in toward being that person, if others fail to see the good in your, it is there loss.
God’s speed (God, referring to ‘your’ HP, and mine, and only as a recognized term to say best wishes). Stay strong.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free. -
Good on you for joining this site. its really a good place to get ideas and share experience- sometimes just vent and ramble on- get it out and it is good to know you will not be judged as everyone here can relate and has probably been through similar feeling and thoughts. (seem to be the same ones for us all really)
We have the same thing in common- We are all trying to stop gambling.
Hope u keep coming back and find it helpful- stay strong and gamble free.
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